tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82763944452947886492024-03-13T03:21:31.374-04:00Leslie F. MillerA writer writes about stuff.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger170125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-59662337215035239582017-12-07T15:36:00.001-05:002017-12-07T21:10:21.552-05:00Lists: A List<div style="margin-bottom: 5.0pt; margin-left: 35.3pt; margin-right: 34.55pt; margin-top: 5.0pt;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I collect:</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">hats and frogs and art and rocks and bones and books and bits of broken things, findings</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">words and thoughts</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">lists</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I bring the outside in:</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">a honeycomb</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">a robin’s nest</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">a turtle shell</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">a snakeskin</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">a mammoth’s tusk and humerus</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">assorted bones and teeth of various deer</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">a paper wasp’s nest</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">seashells</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">They are in a bowl on my dining room table. What’s left of a feast. They are the inside out. </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Lists: they are the inside out. Groceries to Buy. Errands to Run. Holiday Gifts to Give. Guests to Invite. Reasons to Stay with That Son Of A Bitch. I have lined pads glued to magnets on the fridge. When I use the last of the milk, I scribble. When the first grade needs napkins for their next holiday party, I jot. When there is yet another celebration or family to-do that demands my presence, I note. I glue the list of important numbers—pediatrician, poison control, veterinarian—to my telephone. My computer desktop has virtual stickies, where I list passwords and account numbers. I have files full of lists: ideas, first lines that didn’t make the final cut of a poem, art projects, novel scenes. Last month, I was so busy with unrelated projects that I had to make a list each morning. Typing it allowed me to delete, rather than cross out, each completed task. Still seeing them, crossed out or, worse, erased, like a palimpsest, would have kept me stressed. Instead, my sense of accomplishment grew as my list shrank.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">To do today: write.</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><br />Lists allow me to get a grip, to weigh my options, to put my grief into perspective. Couples in counseling are often instructed to list the things they still love about each other, their lists of loathsome qualities having already introduced the discourse of divorce. We are told to list the pros and cons of moving, of changing careers, of getting a new dog. Lists are instant therapy. When my grandparents died, I scavenged for memories, looking for shining bits of them to place in the crow’s nest of my mind. I found a sparkle in the hall closet, in their coat pockets: tissues, gently rumpled; packets of Sweet ‘n’ Low; origami birds and matchbooks; a baggie for what’s left on the restaurant table; a grocery list in both their hands—her cook’s cursive, his draftsman’s block; and the smell of Aramis and old lipstick, which burned through the must.<br />
<br />The magic of the list is well practiced by poets. Elizabeth Barrett Browning loves thee eight different ways, among them freely, purely, and passionately. Shakespeare’s 130th sonnet lists the nine ugly qualities of his mistress, describing her hair as “black wires grow[ing] on her head.” Wallace Stevens enumerates, Roman-ly, “Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird”; we view them in motion, still, whistling, reflected, refracted. We now know there are far more ways to look at a blackbird. Before Stevens, we didn’t know there were as many.<br />
<br />Frank O’Hara has 29 “Lines for the Fortune Cookies.” Number 14 says, “You will eat cake.” Number 25 asks, “Now that the election is over, what are you going to do with yourself?” O’Hara wrote his poem before I was born, yet after the recent election, I ask myself the same question. I eat too much cake.<br />
<br />Pablo Neruda’s list poems surprise us like we are still surprised to find a live rabbit in a hat. “The Song of Despair” goes: “You swallowed everything, like distance, / Like the sea, like time. In you everything sank!” “<i>Como el mar, como el tiempo, Todo en ti fue naufragio!”</i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: #f3a18b; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"> </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">And then, “Pilot’s dread, fury of a blind diver, / turbulent drunkenness of love, in you everything sank!” “<i>Ansiedad de piloto, furia de buzo ciego, / turbia embriaguez de amor, todo en ti fue naufragio!”</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span> In his mother tongue, Pablo Neruda’s “La Canción Desesperada” is a melancholy music.<br />
<br />“The Tragedy of Hats,” Clarinda Harriss begins, “is that you can never see the one you're wearing, / that no one believes the lies they tell, / that they grow to be more famous than you, / that you could die in one but you won't be buried in it.” She uses “that” nine times—nine-plus hat tragedies in this list, this poem that casts a spell.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I keep the beautiful ones in hat boxes stacked on one another in the hallway, the wool ones on the top shelf of the coat closet, the ones I wear regularly on wall hooks above the hatboxes. In the attic is a basket of old hats with exotic feathers and veils, finery from Hutzler’s that my grandmother wore. I own:</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">a suede patchwork hat from Utah<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">a leather Harley hat that makes me look like Stevie Nicks;<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">a crocheted flower hat<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">a stocking hat I knitted<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">three flamboyant artist-made hats that make people gawk and point and feel they need to know me<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">two crushed velvet department-store hats<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">two wool ski caps<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">a beaded beret<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">a hot pink cowboy hat with multi-colored felt polka dots glued to the top, which I tell people was made during arts & crafts hour at the Betty Ford Clinic<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I have so many hats because only my head stays the same size. My favorite hat, brown felt and unadorned, cost me $4 at the Gap about a dozen years ago. My mother says it looks like it used to belong to an old Indian. The other day, I wore it to Home Depot with a Mexican Poncho and dark sunglasses, and a man asked if I was Clint Eastwood. No one’s husband, that guy. Last spring, while we were pumping gas, a toothless redneck with a raggedy pickup truck admired my brown hat. He said, “’At’s a nice hat.” I said, “Thanks.” He said, “Yup, ‘at sure is a nice hat. Yes, indeed.” “Thanks,” I said. “I really like ‘at hat,” he said. I smiled. He smiled back and said, “I got a nicer truck at home; ‘is is just my work truck.”</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">But take away the list, or merely imply it, and the poem might lose its charm. “The Red Wheelbarrow,” by William Carlos Williams, is vexed—and vexing. “So much depends / upon / a red wheel / barrow,” he says. But he doesn’t say the farm, the white chickens, the rain. He doesn’t say the corn depends on it, the dirt road, the old dog who often pulls up lame, the snapshot, the future of poetry. Had he offered it up as a list—using several sheets of prescription pad paper—it might have worked for me. Perhaps no one else would have paid it any mind, as there’d have been no need to invent the things upon which the red wheel barrow depends, no high-school poetry lesson in it.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<br />If there are lists in poetry, there is poetry in the list. <i>The</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>New Yorker</i>’s Susan Orlean writes, in<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>The Orchid Thief</i>, as complete a book as could have been written on the orchid underworld and its unlikely hero:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">One species looks just like a German shepherd dog with its tongue sticking out. One species looks like an onion. One looks like an octopus. One looks like a human nose. One looks like the kind of fancy shoes that a king might wear. One looks like Mickey Mouse. One looks like a monkey. One looks dead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">My college composition class reads this book in preparation for a research paper. In addition to using secondary sources, they are to interview a collector about his collection—of salt and pepper shakers, of war paraphernalia, of fountain pens, of shoes, of codpieces, of antique dolls. I want to know everything there is to know about collecting Beanie Babies, model planes, baseball cards, autographs, license plates. I want to know how much they fetch on Ebay, where collectors find one another, who has the biggest collection, how and where they are stored. I read them passages from<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>The Orchid Thief</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>each week, underlining, italicizing, capitalizing, and boldfacing all the lists.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<br />“They had fabulous, fantastic names,” Orlean says. “Golden Grail and Mama Cass and Markie Pooh and Golden Buddha Raspberry Delight and Dee Dee’s Fat Lip.”<br />
<br />Lists have power. They can rescue the most mundane works, if only for a paragraph.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Favorite Beer Names: </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">(How’sabouta Wouldyalikea Cold Beer,) Chief <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Prickly Stout <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Raspberry Jessica <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Uncle Monday’s Real Alligator Beer<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Old Puckstopper<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Alexander’s Ragtime Tan<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Segue Porter<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Leisureman Amber<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Bock in the Saddle Again<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Toad Spit Stout<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Bad Frog<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Sister Brau<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Miss English’s Alphabet Ale<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Students in my creative nonfiction course take advantage of my weakness for lists, including in their essays the ten most awful ways to die, seven different types of scars, and descriptions of how eight different types of dirt look under a microscope. In an irresistible tale of chores men can’t do once they leave their childhood homes, Brian Uapinyoying describes a sink piled high with “pans encrusted with bits of egg, dishes caked with rice (or maybe last week’s carrot cake), a pot of half-eaten macaroni, cups of coffee three-fourths empty, a can of Mountain Dew, and some solidified spaghetti sauce with dried noodles—all lying in a cesspool of red grease.” I am addicted to those bits of egg, these crumbs, the whole cesspool. <br />
<br />So is Michael Pollan, author of<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>The Botany of Desire</i>:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">There were the names that set out to describe, often with the help of a well-picked metaphor: the green-as-a-bottle Bottle Greening, the Sheepnose, the Oxeheart, the Yellow Bellflower, the Black Gilliflower, the Twenty-Ounce Pippin. There were the names that puffed with hometown pride, like the Westfield Seek-No-Further, the Hubbardston Nonesuch, the Rhode Island Greening, the Albemarle Pippin (though the very same pippin was known as the Newtown nearer to Newtown, New York)....<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">This list, as they say, goes on. And delightfully on.<br />
<br />Does the writer know? Does she say to herself, “Yes! It’s time to write ‘the list’”? Orlean calls the names fabulous, fantastic. And before Pollan rattles off two pages of print-worthy apple monikers, he says, “And the names these apples had! Names that reek of the American nineteenth century, its suspender-popping local boosterism, its shameless Barnum-and-Bailey hype, its quirky, un-focus-grouped individuality.” And it is not so much apple names as it is his enthusiasm for them, the sheer joy at having these names at his disposal. It’s the description of the list. It’s the exclamation after “And the names these apples had!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Top ten favored words:</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">bones</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">fracture</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">synchronicity</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">chartreuse</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">cornucopia</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">redolent</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">ooze</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">coconut</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">flesh</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">10.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">avocado</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Most disdained words:</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">synecdoche</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">refrigerator</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">water</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">lawyer</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">ambulance</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">anything that ends in a long o sound, except avocado</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I imagine most writers compose, as I do, with composure—until it is time for a list. And then we morph into Beethoven, sitting at our keyboards, plunking and then pounding out the notes, orchestrating them, arranging them, reading them back, finishing with a coda, and then, like Beethoven, another coda, and another, topping off all the multi-syllabic, voluminous false endings with a final one, leveling a three-note boom: “One looks dead.”<br />
<br />If John D’Agata’s collection,<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>The Next American Essay</i>, indicates the direction of creative nonfiction (emphasis here on<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>creative</i>), then modern essay will continue the tradition of list. The best of these are lilting, rife with litanies. Jamaica Kincaid’s “Girl” is a one-and-a-half-page, one-paragraph list of instructions to a daughter. The crescendo builds, picking up speed with each chore for the girl, coming to a screeching halt with each mention of “the slut you are bent on becoming.” This monologue is a rich drama made tense and anxious by the list.<br />
<br />Alexander Theroux, who knows more words than are in the dictionary, lists adjectives for black: “jet, inky, ebony, coal, swart, pitch, smudge, livid, sloe, raven, sombre, charcoal, sooty, sable, and crow,” among others. Things get “smutched, darkened, scorched, besmirched in a thousand ways.” And here is the list of words I have to look up while reading his essay, “Black”: saccade, indexicality, atrabiliously, totipalmate, praealtic, holophrastic, surreption, atraluminous, portcullis, and prelapsarian. Of these, seven are underlined as misspellings by my word processing program, and one, praealtic, doesn’t yield any hits on a Google search. I check the spelling several times to make sure I’ve got it right.<br />
<br />D’Agata’s own introductions are lists of what happened in the year during which each essay was written. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Because he is younger than I, each event is a vivid visitation from the past.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I was one when Kennedy was assassinated. </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I was six during the Baltimore race riots, and my babysitter took me and my younger sister to them.</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">When Apollo 11 landed on the moon, I was 6 and at a block party in Indianapolis; we had a small, black and white TV outside to watch the landing. All I cared about was that it was well past my bedtime.</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">When I learned Elvis died, I was riding to Security Square Mall with Wendy Baer; her mom was driving, and she cried.</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">When I learned Led Zeppelin drummer John Bonham had died by suffocating in his own puke, I was smoking one of my first cigarettes on one of my first days of college at Towson State.</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">When John Lennon was shot, I was studying for finals that same semester.</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">When the Shuttle Challenger exploded, I was watching it on television.</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">When the World Trade Centers came down, I had just come from dropping my daughter at preschool. My neighbor, who had old plumbing fixtures on her lawn, yelled to ask if I’d seen “the mess.” I thought she was talking about her house until I turned on the television. After a few minutes, I went back to school to pick up my daughter.</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I picture Brian Doyle, writer and editor of<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Portland Magazine</i>, as a crazed composer of words. In his essay, “Being Brians,” first published in<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Creative Nonfiction</i>, he says:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">There are 215 Brian Doyles in the United States.... One of us is paralyzed from the chest down; One of us is eighteen and “likes to party”; one of us played second base very well indeed for the New York Yankees in the 1978 World Series; several of us have had problems with alcohol and drugs; one of us is nearly finished with his doctorate in theology; one of us is a nine-year-old girl; one of us works for Promise Keepers; one was married while we were working on this article; one welcomed a new baby; one died.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Doyle lists everything, from the streets on which the Brians live to the jobs they held to the ways in which their names have been misspelled. It is laugh-out-loud funny. It is sob-silently sad. Such a gem, this is, that you would want to fold it up and put it in your breast pocket; if it were a song, you would play it again and again, wear a groove in it, know it like you know your own pillow. Doyle tells me, “O, I love lists, which are so much more than lists when you play with them, and arrange them in funky ways—they can rise to be litanies and chants, poems and songs, parades and narratives.” They do rise, like incense and smoke and spirits.<br />
<br />But contemporary writers take their cues from the literary nonfiction and fiction of the past. Look at Lillian Ross’s controversial portrait of Hemingway, “How Do You Like It Now, Gentleman?” in which she paints the author as list maker, beginning with such things to do as “buy coat” and “get glasses fixed.” Some argue this odd sort of Indian speak, this spoken shorthand, is what makes Hemingway seem so loopy. Perhaps the written list of things he must accomplish—which includes, “Eat good and digest good,” call Marlene Dietrich, and order caviar and champagne—has leapt off the page, from list to lips. And then the writer emerges: “I’d like to see all the new fighters, horses, ballets, bike riders, dames, bullfighters, painters, airplanes, sons of bitches, café characters, big international whores, restaurants, years of wine, newsreels, and never have to write a line about any of it,” he tells Ross.<br />
<br />No modern concoction, the list is one of the oldest literary devices. Yet from the lists of literary devices in writing books—simile, metaphor, idiom, allegory, alliteration, consonance, personification, foreshadowing, flashback, symbolism, irony, satire, onomatopoeia—list is missing. Oh, the irony!<br />
<br />Michael Pollan says his love of the literary list “goes back to Homer, I’m sure, with those lists of ships and fallen heroes.” Homer, in “The Iliad,” says, “...I will tell / the captains of the ships and all the fleet together.” And he does—for some 260 verses—in what has come to be known as the “famous catalogue of ships.”<br />
<br />BH (Before Homer), cave men carved into walls and bones with sticks and stones and crushed pigment. They carved into wet clay with reeds. Before words and numbers, cuneiform and hieroglyphics were used to list things like historical events and accounting. Picture a pictorial shopping list dug in the dirt floor. To hunt: buffalo, buffalo, bear; to gather: berry, berry, root.<br />
<br />Had the Book of Genesis been written in first person (first deity?), it might have said, “First I created light, and then I divided it from darkness, and then I called them day and night, and then I separated water from sky, and then.... Boy, am I tired. Tomorrow, I’ll rest.”<br />
<br />Sei Shonagon’s<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Pillowbook</i>, written in 994 A.D. may be the first book of lists: “Hateful Things,” “Adorable Things,” “Elegant Things,” “Things That Make One’s Heart Beat Faster.” We needn’t be Japanese or women or aides to the Empress or born a thousand-plus years ago to identify with Shonagon’s complaints. Women still hate it when “[a] man who has nothing in particular to recommend him discusses all sorts of subjects at random as though he knew everything.” We still hate it when a man hops into his pants in the middle of the night and leaves. We still hate it when he stays.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">What I like about you: You are still reading.</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">What the Romantics like about you is that you keep them warm at night, hold them tight, know how to dance. The Police list the times they’ll be watching you in “Every Breath You Take.” Sting called it a paranoid and obsessive song, written because his marriage and band and life were all breaking up. And Paul Simon lists the “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover.” Each of these list songs was wildly successful.<br />
<br />Nick Hornby, music fanatic, fiction writer, and essayist, can’t escape their power. Characters in his novel,<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>High Fidelity</i>, are keen on making lists of favorite songs, of best artists, of “Top five American films, and therefore the best films ever made.” The book opens with the following words: “My desert-island, all-time, top five most memorable split-ups, in chronological order....” Though they are not always poetic or rhythmic, lists are telling, revealing, with each character’s pretensions and biases and eccentricities, our own. Those traits are the highlight of the film version. They lend instant humanity to each character, help us understand why one drives a bewildered schmuck out of the record store because he had the nerve to ask for Stevie Wonder’s single, “I Just Called To Say I Love You.”<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<br />A fan asks the author whether<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>High Fidelity</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>is autobiographical. Hornby says it isn’t, that all the narratives were made up. Yet his page at Penguin’s website lists his “Top Fives...And An All-Time Eleven.” Like his music store characters, he loves the list. Like Rob, the store’s owner, his top five includes “Thunder Road.”<br />
<br />Hornby has good taste. I imagine he and I would probably get on well. And don’t we choose our friends and lovers this way, by examining their eyes and then their lists? Don’t we develop these litmus-test lists: if she doesn’t like<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Spinal Tap</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>or<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Groundhog Day</i>, she’s history; if he loves “Thunder Road,” he and I were meant to be?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">On my husband’s nightstand, you will find:</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">at least four books against George W. Bush, one for him, a biography he has yet to read (for a year now,<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Theodore<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Rex), and two selected works of Neitzsche, sandwiched between silver elephant bookends that he didn’t want and, if it were up to him, wouldn’t have</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">a pair of dollar-store reading glasses</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">a lamp</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">the telephone</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">two alarm clocks set to beep and to chime at five and five ten a.m.</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Twice a week, for about ten or fifteen minutes, there is also a foil condom wrapper.</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><br />Beginning writers are told that the best way to break into print writing nonfiction is with a list. Look at the cover of any magazine on the newsstand. Every summer, we see the same titles: Best and Worst Bikini Bodies, Ten Ways to Stop Snacking, Fifteen Low-Calorie Snacks, Five Best Ab (or Arm or Thigh) Exercises, and Eight Miracle Fat Burners. My own first nationally published feature, “Twelve Terrific Things to Do When You’re Bored, Broke, and Trying Not to Nibble,” appeared in<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Weight Watchers </i>magazine because I followed that advice.<br />
<br />Lists provide meaty tips and fast facts:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Harper’s</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>Index, David Letterman’s Top Ten, <i>Newsweek’s</i> Conventional Wisdom, Amazon’s Listmania, Google, the phone book, the dictionary. Booksellers display list books because they are successful. Under constant spotlight are self-help books—<i>The 7 Habits of Highly Effective<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></i>People, <i>101</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Secrets of Highly Effective Speakers</i>; controversial books—<i>The Ten Things You Can’t Say in America</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>and<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>The Disinformation Book of Lists;<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></i>reference books; and, perhaps the most fun you can have reading,<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>The Book of Lists</i>, which<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Book News</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>describes as “irresistible (even to those who are list-aversive).” List aversive? Are they kidding?<br />
<br />Surely you remember this tear-jerking urban legend about a list: A high-school math teacher asked her students to write their classmates’ names on a sheet of paper. Then she asked them to record the nicest thing they could about each student next to his or her name. The teacher took the lists home and put all the nice comments about each student on his own page. When she passed them out the next day, the students smiled and whispered delighted comments as they read their lists, but no one discussed them again. Years later, when one of the students was killed in Vietnam, the teacher and several classmates attended the funeral. While they were standing together, the fallen soldier’s father approached the teacher. He took something out of his billfold. “They found this in Mark’s pocket,” he said. The teacher knew, upon seeing the ragged notebook paper, folded and refolded and taped, that is was the list. The teacher cried. The former students saw and gathered around. “I kept my list,” said one. “Me, too,” said another. The lists, they said, were in diaries and wedding albums and wallets and pockets and purses; two pulled out their lists.<br />
<br />My daughter’s first piece of writing was a list. On white, unlined paper, she wrote, in pencil, on both sides, in every direction, with pictures, the things she wanted her grandfather to buy for her. When it was full, when no other need or want or wish or desire could fit on the page, she folded it up and put it in an envelope, which she addressed and mailed herself. My father treated it like a challenge, a scavenger hunt. For no reason other than his six-year-old granddaughter had sent that list, he roamed the ends of the earth for a Spiderman costume, pajamas, and beach towel, and a pair of Matrix sunglasses. <br />
<br />My daughter is becoming a competent reader. The first book she completed on her own was<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Green Eggs and Ham</i>, the longest children’s book in the world, every clause of it a different way to eat this unusual dish. Another favorite is<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Grossology</i>, sort of a dictionary of gross bodily functions and fluids, like farting and snot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">In a box of polished agate with a hinged lid, a gift from someone who visited Zion National Park, Utah, I keep body parts:</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">my daughter’s umbilical cord, which now resembles a pinched, blue rock</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">my grandmother’s upper bridge</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">four wisdom teeth, extracted from tissue, rather than bone, in 1982</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">a cracked crown, replaced last month</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">the piece of thumbnail left on the basement floor when I sliced off the top third of my thumb with an x-acto knife in August of ‘96</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">one each of a whisker, toe pad, and claw, fallen from one or more of my dogs. I add to this collection when I can, taking no delight in the events themselves, but hoarding the beauty of the disembodied parts</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Even the less lyrical lists uncover gems, assist the detectives. A character in a novel I would like to finish writing buys tofu, yogurt, apples, and Entennmann’s chocolate-covered donuts. My own grocery list is heavy on meat and vegetables, light on snack foods and carbohydrates. Once, a checker at the Safeway scanned my list-come-to-life and remarked, as an Atkins snack bar stopped on the belt, that low-carb diets were unhealthy. The person behind me had four bagels, a box of Frosted Flakes, and a frozen pizza. The guy ahead of me was buying the makings for hot fudge sundaes. Sei Shonagon would have found hateful the supermarket checker who comments on your groceries. “Ah, tampons<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>and</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey. Wonder what<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>that’s</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>about. Wink, wink.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Things I won’t buy at Safeway, one block from my house, because my husband is the social studies teacher at the Catholic school two blocks from my house, and everyone knows us:</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">condoms</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">nudie magazines</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">K-Y jelly</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">This year, I, like millions of others, billions of others around the world, will resolve to eat less, want less, consume less, waste less. I will resolve to see more, feel more, give more, love more, and write more—more words, more lists.<br />
<br />To some extent, we enumerate, numerate, tick off, itemize, inventory, particularize, specialize, specify, catalog, index, note, post, schedule, tabulate, record, and register with everything we write. Every essay, speech, story, report, book, song, poem, and thought is, at its bare bones, a list—of paragraphs, sentences, phrases, and words. Letters.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Boom! Blast, burst, clap, crack, crash. <br />
<br />Boom! Boom! Boom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Abracadabra!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">This essay:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><br /></span></span>
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">was previously published in SNReview (<a href="http://www.snreview.org/0306Miller.html)">http://www.snreview.org/0306Miller.html)</a></span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">won a $1,000 artist’s grant from Baltimore City</span></i></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: black; font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">is my favorite essay<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-72947148461032629772016-11-25T13:02:00.000-05:002016-11-25T14:54:46.207-05:00Irish Folk Songs (Part 1 of ?)<div class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="background: white; line-height: 115%;">
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">I'm here in Listowel, Ireland thinking about thanks and possessed of a sublime gratitude. Last night, my daughter and nephew sang in my sister’s living room, and Beth shared it on my Facebook wall. It was the next best thing to being there. After nine days away, and especially on the holiday named for the gratitude we all possess but lose sight of sometimes, I ached for home.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXAZl6RVEz4nnDLggpVciQtoHV6u03SRNs8uVmOqOfzjl6FYvzJmGdWtiAL1J8QY29beErjmA0fTMDvD2mSJq65OrxpDTfyp2WoR1XaajvXA1yaHAUiGNHr_xiycw9siz4tReVgYqIJ44/s1600/ready+to+grout.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXAZl6RVEz4nnDLggpVciQtoHV6u03SRNs8uVmOqOfzjl6FYvzJmGdWtiAL1J8QY29beErjmA0fTMDvD2mSJq65OrxpDTfyp2WoR1XaajvXA1yaHAUiGNHr_xiycw9siz4tReVgYqIJ44/s320/ready+to+grout.jpg" width="240" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">But my Thanksgiving was extraordinary, even by tourist standards. I awoke at 8:00 and cooked scrambled eggs and salmon for me and Carol, my perfect housemate for these two weeks in Listowel, and finished gluing my mosaic. At 3:30, I walked over to Mike the Pies, a well-respected music venue and pub, where I got to watch a Mannequin Challenge reboot—and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fE2gF_NZlbU" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">see it filmed for live TV</a>, meet the journalist and crew, talk to the bar patrons, and introduce myself to the band I am supposed to be shooting the next day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">An older Irishman sitting with friends tells me to smile, which I don’t tolerate well. I have been smiling and standing all afternoon and am just trying to comfort my back, which has ached from sunup to sunup since the start of my journey. I oblige with an exaggerated grin but joke about not smiling because I’m an American unhappy with the direction of my country. This leads to a good political discussion about the Electoral College and gives me a chance to accentuate the positive attributes of Hillary Clinton with the man, who doesn't like either candidate but says that our election of Donald Trump has made us the laughingstock of the world. Before we part, I snap a photo of him.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">Carol and I have a quiet pizza dinner in the apartment, take-away from the always-crowded pizzeria next door (it needs sauce but is otherwise pizza) before heading back to Mike the Pies, where the band Wyvern Lingo is set to perform.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrj1YHcYkFWBaLFfct4rKbJJfyXpgqvJNMYTKg1PHzTSLWD-9bZQqDzLl_QXlYXBjCj8hWgROTrO3StB5ZEpUeJzY4NNXgBPwO2JKgdraqNMuNj5UtYS588EIJ3pYFdolMQuPEx_24E7M/s1600/reaching+for+a+pint.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrj1YHcYkFWBaLFfct4rKbJJfyXpgqvJNMYTKg1PHzTSLWD-9bZQqDzLl_QXlYXBjCj8hWgROTrO3StB5ZEpUeJzY4NNXgBPwO2JKgdraqNMuNj5UtYS588EIJ3pYFdolMQuPEx_24E7M/s320/reaching+for+a+pint.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Random Mannequin Challenge participants</span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">A few of the same patrons are still at the bar. One of them, an Englishman, is a Trump and Brexit supporter (they seem to go hand-in-hand); the other is an older Irishman drinking Coors Light with ice. Carol and I speak with the group, which includes the Englishman’s wife, for a long time, laughing uproariously at times, sharing stories about ourselves, and generally enjoying each other's company (I thought). We talk about geography and distance, favorite books and authors, English television shows, weather, politics—typical pub fare. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">The Englishman says that he's found all Americans to be either Irish or Italian, wants to know if that’s true. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">Because of who I am, I do what my mother might have advised against: I tell the man that I’m neither Irish nor Italian. “I’m Jewish,” I say. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">"I don't like Jews,” says the Irishman. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5pvd7TMUrFILKRN3UCIhW-iQdb1WGgETtaPOCwbZrQZmDbpBDWsj0-HTMBszyZeer8kTPJ9m0XvNRTwHjdgwodvq7WaYSYRQGLHQCOW9hdfjiD7V3KLqOOGNFySQX73ofaMc6fn1lWUY/s1600/beer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5pvd7TMUrFILKRN3UCIhW-iQdb1WGgETtaPOCwbZrQZmDbpBDWsj0-HTMBszyZeer8kTPJ9m0XvNRTwHjdgwodvq7WaYSYRQGLHQCOW9hdfjiD7V3KLqOOGNFySQX73ofaMc6fn1lWUY/s320/beer.jpg" width="320" /></span></a><span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">His English friend rebukes him sharply in an instant, then implores him: “Tell her why. Tell her.” He turns to me and says, “He doesn’t like Jews because he was in the IRA, and they used to buy arms from Palestinians.” Whatever. I'm not having it. Whether you’re seven or seventy, you’re getting schooled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">“Were we not just having a lovely talk?,” I ask him. “Did we not enjoy each other's company and conversation this afternoon?” More than anger or sadness, I feel wounded, and I’m nervous, but not on the verge of tears. “I don't know how you can say that,” I tell him. Carol [admits, confesses, comes clean about] her Judaism, too.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">He says, "I'll tell you why I don't like the Jews." He sits quietly for minutes. "I'll tell you why." He can't think of a reason. At least he can't say it. And he doesn't. More rebukes from his friend follow. (The Englishman's wife just shakes her head from time to time.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">“What a conversation killer that was!” I exclaim. “I guess it’s a good time to announce that I have cancer.” No one seems to hear me (for those who don’t know me, I do have cancer, but just a little), and the subject is no longer the horrible Jews. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeLhJTJmyn95iWimmy91mmmpLq2pU_O-T84wZn5F3cRlxsNpkM3I26btphY_MReKdKQ01O79IgMmelX0DDtHVJC8R9gzICKvXR5qG7cU_SFp4wSeotxCK9Kuq3iaZKtLOCPfoi9luqdZI/s1600/7+sunrise+with+church.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeLhJTJmyn95iWimmy91mmmpLq2pU_O-T84wZn5F3cRlxsNpkM3I26btphY_MReKdKQ01O79IgMmelX0DDtHVJC8R9gzICKvXR5qG7cU_SFp4wSeotxCK9Kuq3iaZKtLOCPfoi9luqdZI/s320/7+sunrise+with+church.jpg" width="320" /></span></a><span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">A little while later, the Irishman asks if I believe in god. I have to laugh because I’m about to disappoint him yet again. He takes my hand and smooths it with his finger. "Are you blessing me?" I ask, laughing. He says, “Something like it.” He tells me that when something bad happens to me, like when I’m old and get sick, I’ll remember that thing he just did, and I’ll know that God will take care of me and keep me from harm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">I consider this his apology, his way of making amends. That’s at least how I’m going to think of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">Hatred is a complicated concept. It’s a dislike beyond revulsion. Holding people in contempt because they have a god or a skin color or a language or a body that’s different from our own is almost always a question of preconceived ideas rather than experiences. How is it that we are taught to hate through words but taught to love through experience? I guess that’s the pussy of an answer, isn’t it? That we meet hate with love? I can’t do that, either.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">Wendell Berry wrote the following poem with a dedication to his granddaughters, who'd visited the Holocaust Museum on the day Yitzhak Rabin was buried: </span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt;"><br /></span> <span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt;">Now you know the worst</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">we humans have to know</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">about ourselves, and I am sorry,</span><span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span> <span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">for I know that you will be afraid.</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">To those of our bodies given</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">without pity to be burned, I know</span><span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">there is no answer</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">but loving one another,</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">even our enemies, and this is hard.</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">But remember:</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">when a man of war becomes a man of peace,</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">he gives a light, divine</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcBhpUUiGzLmp1-4n4zSkHWa9teR5E_b37drC_7lWKWmyR8-lfDUknlLH2AH5F5DyaFdD0-7TLGVihf6WQSPNEdszKhyFHfaFZbw1ir678QWW8jCVL-_sElrNDYmjD8pecheO55axk8kM/s1600/karen+bw.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcBhpUUiGzLmp1-4n4zSkHWa9teR5E_b37drC_7lWKWmyR8-lfDUknlLH2AH5F5DyaFdD0-7TLGVihf6WQSPNEdszKhyFHfaFZbw1ir678QWW8jCVL-_sElrNDYmjD8pecheO55axk8kM/s320/karen+bw.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Karen Cowley—vocals, bass, keys</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;"></span> <span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">though it is also human.</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">When a man of peace is killed</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">by a man of war, he gives a light.</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;"></span> <span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">You do not have to walk in darkness.</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">If you will have the courage for love,</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">you may walk in light. It will be</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;"></span> <span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">the light of those who have suffered</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">for peace. It will be</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">your light.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">While I don’t stand fully in that light, I know that Carol and I have made a small difference tonight when both the Englishman and the Irishman tell us they hope to run into us again before we leave Listowel for good.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Saoirse Duane—vocals and guitar</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">But we are here at Mike the Pies for the music from a talented trio called Wyvern Lingo. I’d first heard of them a few months ago while I was looking up the solo work of people who have been associated with Hozier, whose first album is probably the best thing recorded in the last 20 years. When I learned that I would be coming to Ireland, I looked into the bands that would be playing and was shocked to learn that Wyvern Lingo would be in the very town where I was staying, and on Thanksgiving night. I literally jumped up and down in the kitchen when I discovered it, then wrote to Aidan, the bar’s owner, begging for tickets, then wrote to Carol to tell her she had Thanksgiving plans whether she liked it or not.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">And she loved it. We loved it. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Caoimhe Barry—vocals and drums</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">We are still high from the singing angels who are otherwise known as Karen, Saoirse (say SIR-sha), and Caoimhe (say QUEE-va). For a little over an hour, they perform most of their own songs plus three covers, which include an Alt-J mashup, Prince’s “When Doves Cry,” and Joni Mitchell’s “The River,” which finally does me in. Something is bound to make me cry this trip besides getting clunked on the head with my comb in the shower. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">Since I’m here to be an “artist” of some sort, my goal with this trip was to make art—to write, to mosaic, and to shoot. I especially wanted to hone my portrait skills, so I had messaged the band before coming to Listowel to see if they could accommodate me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">(Aside: I know what you’re thinking: I thought you don’t work for free. Correct. Something of value must be traded for something of value, usually product for money. This is, for me, an equal trade.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;">After the show, I make plans to meet the women by the church in the square, and I buy two CDs and a t-shirt, which I wear to bed. I sleep and dream that I am singing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I am.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span> <span style="color: #4b4f56; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Check out their acapella version of their song "Used" from last night.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; letter-spacing: -0.2pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span> <span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: -0.266667px; line-height: 115%;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/jhFxzproq74" width="480"></iframe></span></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-38486216556540937132016-11-10T08:09:00.003-05:002016-11-10T08:09:55.691-05:00<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkLdtDTPrKnsJOepFR8fiRPU1TI23GhThu3XW6EuroQoJ1QauMYr5bl2tjz6IfVbBEZKSX3DfhZHkAw2oHUl6FRpWFQEZBxTgcp7VrMpMZv0anwBKRolpentNcQfKg_MMZlKozV3w6RQo/s1600/the+girl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkLdtDTPrKnsJOepFR8fiRPU1TI23GhThu3XW6EuroQoJ1QauMYr5bl2tjz6IfVbBEZKSX3DfhZHkAw2oHUl6FRpWFQEZBxTgcp7VrMpMZv0anwBKRolpentNcQfKg_MMZlKozV3w6RQo/s320/the+girl.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px 0px 6px; white-space: normal;">
My daughter is a great person. I admire her for many reasons, her breathtaking beauty the least of them. She is kind. She is concerned. She is conscientious. She recycles.</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 6px 0px; white-space: normal;">
As a little girl, she used to plug worms back into the ground so they wouldn't burn to death on the sidewalk. I used to call her Serena Bambina, Worm Saver, and drew pictures of her with a W on her chest.</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 6px 0px; white-space: normal;">
When she was a young teen, she would see homeless people as we drove her to school or School of Rock, and she would make us roll down the window so that she could give someone her own money, out of her own wallet.</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 6px 0px; white-space: normal;">
Last night, she was shocked and upset. She has felt a little panicked all day today, and she asked me what she could do now. So I gave her a few ideas—start a club at school, make pamphlets, spread information so that people know the email addresses and phone numbers of their senators and representatives. But the thing I think she should do is the thing she does best: write. (And when the song comes, you can bet I'll post it here. And then I will ask you to buy it for a dollar, which will go to Planned Parenthood. They will need it.)</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 6px 0px; white-space: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.24px;">As for me: I make a relatively good living. I have health insurance. I am beyond childbearing years. I am white. I am straight. I live in the city. I came from parents who had nothing at first but became well off. My husband and I are both college educated and have no college loan debt (I have two master's degrees, and my husband has one in legal and ethical studies, plus bachelor's degrees in history, philosophy, and education.) My daughter is at college on a scholarship and will have no debt, either.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 6px 0px; white-space: normal;">
I do not need special healthcare from my government. I don't need an abortion (but I did twice and was lucky enough to be able to get them). I am not worried about being sent back to another country. I am already married to a man, so I don't have to worry about the freedom to marry a woman.</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; margin: 6px 0px; white-space: normal;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">I voted so that </span><b>you</b> could have these things. I voted because what I enjoy as a citizen should be <b style="letter-spacing: -0.24px;">yours</b> to enjoy. I voted for <b style="letter-spacing: -0.24px;">you</b>. Because <b style="letter-spacing: -0.24px;">you</b> should get to decide to marry the person you love, and <b>you</b> should get to decide how to handle your own healthcare. And <b style="letter-spacing: -0.24px;">you</b> should get to escape poverty and terrorism and pursue the American dream, you being our tired, our poor, our huddled masses.</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 6px 0px; white-space: normal;">
The three of us proudly voted for Hillary Clinton, and we did it early because we couldn't wait to do it, and we celebrated with sushi afterward. In four years, I would vote for her again. In eight.</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; margin: 6px 0px; white-space: normal;">
As a family and on our own, we looked into Secretary Clinton's record (her real, actual, true, factual record, in case you're wondering) because we are grownups, and when someone tells us something, we check it out for ourselves. It's our <b>responsibility</b> to do that, to inform ourselves, rather than to take the competition's word for it. (Seriously, do you take Coke's word for why Pepsi isn't good, or do you taste them for yourself and decide?) We know how Hillary Clinton investigated private schools as a law student to see whether they discriminated against black people. We know that she was the first employee of the Children's Defense Fund, which was started to help disadvantaged children. We know that she has spent her entire life and career trying to help other people, especially women, children, and minorities. She has supported the LGBT community, women's rights, and human rights around the world. She expanded the Family Medical Leave Act. She graduated from Yale Law School at a time when few women did that. And she won a fucking <b>Grammy</b>!</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; margin: 6px 0px; white-space: normal;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">You know that parable about the squirrel who eats all his nuts while another squirrel stores them away, and then it's winter, and the squirrel who ate his nuts is starving, but the other squirrel has all of his nuts saved up, and he ain't sharing? That's not a true scenario. </span><b>All </b>squirrels store their nuts. But some squirrels don't get as many because they don't have the same opportunities. (People still do not get to see apartments because their voices "sound black" when they call.) Some squirrels just don't have the same opportunities. It's in my best interest to share. And it makes me feel good to help someone.</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-weight: normal; margin: 6px 0px; white-space: normal;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">In this election, as in every election, I voted for </span><i>other</i> people. I voted for black people—for a black man to not get shot while doing his job protecting an autistic white man who is having a meltdown. I voted for my daughter to be able to marry a woman if she is in love. I voted for your neighbor to have affordable health insurance. I voted so that the veterans panhandling at the JFX and Cold Spring Lane could have some nuts.</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 6px 0px; white-space: normal;">
I'm going to cry for a long time. I'm sad. I'm frustrated. I'm worried. I'm afraid for our future, about the messages we send to our daughters. I'm worried about the messages we're sending our sons!</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 6px 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;">But I'm not shrinking. And I will ALWAYS live by the motto that I espouse here and there and everywhere: "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?" (That's Rabbi Hillel, who also implored us to follow the Golden Rule: </span><span style="color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: normal; white-space: normal;"> "That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torah" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: normal; text-decoration: none; white-space: normal;" title="Torah">Torah</a><span style="color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">; the rest is the explanation; go and learn." </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: -0.24px;">That is the whole bible, too—the whole Koran (Qur'an). </span><a href="http://www.religioustolerance.org/reciproc2.htm" rel="nofollow" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: -0.24px;" target="_blank">The Golden Rule is the foundation of almost every religion on earth</a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: -0.24px;">.</span></div>
<div style="display: inline; font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: -0.24px; margin-top: 6px; white-space: normal;">
Friends, let's do something good. Let's do something useful. Many of us remember eight miserable years under George W. Bush. We know how that felt, and it's going to be harder this time. We can't let that stop us. So as soon as we're finished grieving, let those poems and colors and notes flow, flow like the liquid analgesics many of us will need for a few more weeks.</div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-41876212011769916242016-06-05T19:11:00.004-04:002016-06-06T08:25:59.300-04:00maybe someday you<div class="MsoNormal">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWyCLYzyGG3rX5n_aYvLks6rTj56XvpoVARW-fmBKWlSInYP2LrXGSXl8jC_K_pjBpIhyGTH4rf7yDYryQCo4R56yXbgmBalSs5NGRsasWiq9xvFT_baokxnbYCWcX2M6BxTbwl9E71pk/s1600/you+suck.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWyCLYzyGG3rX5n_aYvLks6rTj56XvpoVARW-fmBKWlSInYP2LrXGSXl8jC_K_pjBpIhyGTH4rf7yDYryQCo4R56yXbgmBalSs5NGRsasWiq9xvFT_baokxnbYCWcX2M6BxTbwl9E71pk/s320/you+suck.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Suck Voice" illustration by Jennifer Sarah Blakeslee</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt;">The worst part about mental illness is not simply<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>having<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></i>it. It’s not the waking up some mornings in such a state that you wonder if you can get out of bed or, if you can, make it to the end of the day. It’s not unplanned crying or the deprivation of lasting joy, nor your aiming for, yet always missing, cloud 9. It’s not the heaviness or feelings of uselessness and inadequacy or the fear that someone will discover you to be the fraud you just know you are. It’s embarrassing that you continue to do what you do.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>You</i></span><i><span style="font-size: 11pt;">’re</span></i><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">embarrassing. At least today.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">The worst part about mental illness is not others’ misunderstandings about it. It’s not their quizzical stares or musings or third degree about your great job, your talented children, your loving friends, your comfortable home, your talents and skills, all of which form one tour de force of a life, so how dare you? It’s not even their presumption that you’re somehow<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>ungrateful</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>for all these magnificent gifts, that if you just woke up and recognized every morning how goddamned lucky you are, the despair would melt away. It’s not that as you write this, you know they just want to shake you or slap you or, best, snap you out of it. (Snap. Snap.) Nope, sorry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">The worst part about mental illness is not all the memes about positivity that blame you every day for not being able to make lemonade out of all the lemons, primarily because there are no lemons (see above), and life is beautiful. Sorry, all of you attitude-is-everything believers. Attitude is only everything when there’s nothing else in the way of it. It’s why some people who get cancer are cheerful and positive and others aren’t. That’s who they are. It’s a pretty lucky way to be born (cheerful and positive; nothing lucky about cancer).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">The worst part about mental illness is not that you know what to do about it but can’t summon the energy to do it. That sleep eludes you. That elusive sleep leads to poor choices and bad habits and eating for serotonin and energy, which leads to weight gain, which leads to sluggishness, which leads to lethargy. That waking up at 4:45 after 4 hours and 45 minutes of sleep can, if you struggle with depression, kick the whole day’s ass.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">The worst part about mental illness is not anything that happens to<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>you</i>, frankly, because you can take care of yourself. You know that tomorrow or the next day, you can stop swimming and take a breath that doesn’t choke. After all these years, you have some coping skills. You know there’s a bird called hope who might yet perch at your sill. Could be tomorrow. Could even be this afternoon, when the sun suddenly comes out, giving you enough energy to pick yourself off the floor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">No, the worst part about mental illness is passing it on to your children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">First, there’s the guilt: that driving a mile back to the house when she was three to make sure you turned the stove off (you did; you always did) or locked the door (you did; you always did) set a bad example for your child. That those times she saw you crying or heard you weeping in your room at night or pacing the floors in the morning’s loneliest hours when she was four or six or twelve were indelible. That your worry about money or crime or time or work was so palpable that she soaked it in and<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>caught</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>the disease. Guilt, even, that you had a child at all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">And then there’s the worst part about the worst part about mental illness, which is knowing that your child is suffering. Knowing that someone you love is in despair is hard enough, but when it’s your own kid, it is like a balloon trying to rescue an anchor or an anchor trying to rescue a balloon. It can’t go anywhere, but it can still pop.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">A person who doesn’t understand that despair is no luckier. That person can look at her child with that quizzical expression (you have<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>everything</i>, dear! What is your life<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>lacking</i>?), missing the gravity of it, a blessing and a curse. But a young person’s hopelessness is a<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>crisis</i>. Because young people have not learned, like you have learned, that hope<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>will</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>perch at your sill, even come in and crap on your head, bringing such good fortune that it will be enough to make you keep that window open.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">Not only do so many young people not know about this thing with feathers, but they don’t even open their blinds, which is, I have learned, the simplest thing you can do physically to alter the direction of a day. (It doesn’t work alone, but sun can sneak in, literally and metaphorically.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">So when my daughter and I argue, it’s in the back of my mind. When she apologizes to me, it’s in the back of my mind. When we leave her home, it’s in the back of my mind. When she takes the car, it’s in the back of my mind. When I don’t see her come home at night, it’s in the back of my mind. And when I wake up at 5:45 a.m. to discover that she has not yet been to sleep, it’s on my mind.<sup>1</sup><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>Once you know what it feels like to be in a very bad place, you know what it’s like for someone else to be in a very bad place. And sometimes—this is the worst of the worst of the worst part—they don’t tell you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">One day, your daughter is the captain of the volleyball team and a straight-A student, and the next day, you are calling 911. I know too many (one is too many, and I know more) parents who have come home to find their children unwell in a way they never knew was possible and that cannot ever be forgotten. Those children can be the hardest to save.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">Though I've had it all my life, I was formally diagnosed with “high-functioning depression” shortly after I had my daughter. It’s characterized by over-achievement in the face of serious anxiety, OCD, depression, or other mental illness. My daughter,<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://legendsofetcetera.com/" target="_blank">a talented songwriter and musician</a>, has it, too. (Read more about it, please, here: <a href="http://www.upworthy.com/the-danger-of-high-functioning-depression-as-told-by-a-college-student?c=ufb1" target="_blank">"The Danger of High-Functioning Depression as Told by a College Student."</a>)<br />
<br />It’s why I go into my daughter’s room in the morning and open her blinds. She complains every time, but if she wants them closed, she has to get up to close them. It’s why some days I<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>make<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></i>her (as much as one can make an 18-year-old woman) go outside or start the day with something other than sugar. She is a new person and doesn’t know yet that these habits will help her when she is 40 and 50 and 70. Living should be, soon, an unbreakable habit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt;">Why am I telling you this? It's not because I want your sympathy. I never want that. I don’t want pity or sorrow or a shoulder or even empathy (though empathy’s not a bad thing to have for others’ circumstances). I tell you about it because I want you to know, and I want that knowledge to lead to understanding. Eventually, I want you to stop believing that the only problem depressed people have is ingratitude or a bad attitude or that they can overcome their own misery by smiling more (because even if all the science in the world says that it helps, depression is an impediment). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt;">But I’m not sure I want you to let us off the hook entirely, either. Sometimes we do need to let some of that shit go, and if you tell us that with some accompanying bad jokes and good puns and laughter and friendship, we might.<sup>2 </sup></span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">And a pep talk every now and again can't hurt.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><br />No matter what you’re going through in your life, the best thing I can wish for you is that you have someone to open the blinds, even when you think you don’t want to let any light in. I will be that for you. You be that for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<sup><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">1</span></sup><span style="font-size: 14.6667px;">Why wasn’t my daughter in bed asleep after coming home from her friend’s house after I was already asleep, after having texted me a sincere apology for our misunderstanding earlier in the evening before she left? She was recording this, “On the Shoulders of Giants (Maybe Someday You).” I sat listening to it at 5:15 a.m., tears streaming down my face and landing on my lap with a splash.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 14.6667px;">The last time she stayed up all night, she recorded this, called "Leather Jacket Art."</span><br />
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<sup><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">2</span></sup><span style="font-size: 14.6667px;">Just not, please, with a meme. Enough with the memes already.</span></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-84967701515953910352014-12-07T16:43:00.002-05:002014-12-08T10:32:05.273-05:00the cupcake exception<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I haven’t
seen myself naked in 13 years. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I
exaggerate. It’s only been about three years since I took a gander at my own
naked reflection. When I emerge from the shower, I’m already tightly wrapped in
a towel that I swear keeps shrinking in the wash. In the morning, I avert my
eyes when I pass a mirror until most of my clothes are on. And when I finally
do look, it’s to make sure that the only skin showing is below my elbow or (barely) above my cleavage.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I don’t know
what made me stand naked in the hallway before the full-length mirror today.
Maybe I needed extra motivation for the diet that starts tomorrow. Maybe I felt it would
discourage me from eating that extra biscuit at brunch. Or maybe Aliza
Worthington’s <a href="http://www.purpleclover.com/health/3525-carry-weight/#.VH8dCtQuuJI.facebook" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">complicated feelings about her weight</a> inspired me to take new stock of my stockiness and really deal with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt3zUHxyGuuWFdg1BRI-5XllhWS8f7jsBrvvG7V3MVdjoHAfZs2ki40ZZ_1ytxPlUlt4DMwkRFlZn-CVjqhWi6ke3D8_a4-QEfcLtNRE_HZUJT-YyoTk6s1_lvGkexiGd81bl2536L87k/s1600/thought+i+was+fat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt3zUHxyGuuWFdg1BRI-5XllhWS8f7jsBrvvG7V3MVdjoHAfZs2ki40ZZ_1ytxPlUlt4DMwkRFlZn-CVjqhWi6ke3D8_a4-QEfcLtNRE_HZUJT-YyoTk6s1_lvGkexiGd81bl2536L87k/s1600/thought+i+was+fat.jpg" height="320" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">ca. 2003, after a 30-mile bike ride.<br />
I thought I was fat.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Aliza’s
struggle with her weight and body shape mimics my own. My husband says I’ve had
a poor body image since we met more than 30 years ago. And that’s
because—excepting a year at 34 and two years at 40—I’ve had a poor body for three decades. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
At 52, it’s not only fat, but my body doesn’t even get me from here to there very well. At least two of my spinal discs are blown; my toes tingle, and my balance is compromised. Now I’m winded walking up the stairs, too. Being fat is uncomfortable and unhealthy. But that's not to say this is all about health. It's vanity, too. My current wardrobe consists of a closet
full of elastic-waist skirts (a friend wisely calls them “crotchless yoga
pants”), t-shirts from Target, and cardigan sweaters, seven of them black. My <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">other </i>wardrobe—the expensive boutique
pants in size 6 and pretty sweaters and tank tops and trim suits—is packed away
under the attic eaves for when I can wear those things again.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
And I am <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">convinced</i> that I will wear them again.
Because believing that I won’t means I’m stuck with this body forever. And even
if it’s not the worst thing in the world, it’s not acceptable. I don't even <i>want </i>to accept it. I might as well start wearing sweatshirts with cats on them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnOMHAV9IStjbZugdwtUhkBrY8utf-I_h0physS2fz914e2b2PgaZwdidDpgOyOxcYOv_BGL7rIhR37E0rLOSyg4szOk0w2yO2757ZMUgdiehRUBc9VppUTLWqd6Kzcw3nb9pAXsJ8P2I/s1600/2006.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnOMHAV9IStjbZugdwtUhkBrY8utf-I_h0physS2fz914e2b2PgaZwdidDpgOyOxcYOv_BGL7rIhR37E0rLOSyg4szOk0w2yO2757ZMUgdiehRUBc9VppUTLWqd6Kzcw3nb9pAXsJ8P2I/s1600/2006.jpg" height="320" width="214" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2006: I called this one "jelly belly."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
A minute ago,
I stopped writing to answer the front door. It was my neighbor, Anne, with a
box of four homemade cupcakes. I am eating mine now—because of tomorrow’s diet.
I would like to think of that cupcake as the exception, but it’s not. And
nearly every person I know who<span style="text-align: center;"> has gained weight believes in the cupcake
exception, believes she eats a relatively good diet, free of fast foods and
extra calories, despite the half bottles of wine on Fridays, Saturdays, and
Mondays; the extra servings of smoked almonds; the dressing she dips her
salad in, rather than pours on it, even though she uses it all anyway. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
And that’s
why I believe in diets, still, after all these years. Diets themselves <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do </i>work. Whether you reach the calorie
deficit by Atkins or Weight Watchers or Paleo or Beachbody doesn’t matter as
long as it’s something you can stick with for the six weeks it’ll take you to
stop hating the skinny bitches who always sit at your table when you go out for dinner.
For the six weeks it'll take you to get used to what eating right feels like, you just need to suck it up by not swallowing every morsel
in your path. Which means when Anne knocks on the door with a box of homemade
cupcakes, you say thanks and give them to the skinny bitches who always live in
your house. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
It’s not that diets don’t work. It’s that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you </i>don’t. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPx7CLcp_PwqYxFW4mRMtSZ86-3Xy-BBxOo2kj3VxIVIsHjHGYCDu3hwzmHLK-q6aYuQCE5YXFAkJgVK-Xibb-Rr130xQJ3WVB01tPtLHNzVC-IBZHDAvC8dAskn3vS8onSw6GFk_a3xM/s1600/cupcake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPx7CLcp_PwqYxFW4mRMtSZ86-3Xy-BBxOo2kj3VxIVIsHjHGYCDu3hwzmHLK-q6aYuQCE5YXFAkJgVK-Xibb-Rr130xQJ3WVB01tPtLHNzVC-IBZHDAvC8dAskn3vS8onSw6GFk_a3xM/s1600/cupcake.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2014: The cupcake exception.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
If it were
that easy, however, my closet would be full of size-six boutique clothing, and
I’d be able to find the Christmas ornaments under the eaves. But to blame diets
for my own inability to adhere to them is to abandon all responsibility for the
extra 20 pounds—and, worse, all hope for removing them. In my case, this is <i>my </i>fault. Even if it's not about blame, it <i>is </i>about cause and effect. And though a few events might have had a hand in the expansion of my rear cargo space, the stress of my job or my father's death or whatever else may be bothering me was not relieved by eating—or drinking—my anger or sadness. (And menopause sees to it that the damage isn't undone easily.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Some people
advocate for making peace with our fat. I'm not that evolved. Besides, you haven’t seen me naked. This
morning, after I recovered from the shock of it, I picked myself up off the
floor, put some ice on my head, and put on my fancy crotchless yoga pants,
Target t-shirt, and black cardigan in the dark. Then I went to brunch with some women
I hadn’t seen since high school and ate the extra biscuit.<br />
<br />
Because—you
know. Tomorrow. I wish I could say it will be the last time I diet, that I'll never again succumb to the power of cake, that I'll never sneak a peppermint patty in the car, that I won't cave in to the desire to enjoy an IPA every day after work. And I'm fine with that. But what I'm not fine with is spending the rest of my life uncomfortable in elastic-waist clothing when there's a chance, however slim, that I can be uncomfortable in a pair of size 8 skinny jeans.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-23330276656114354152014-11-09T08:52:00.000-05:002014-11-09T14:12:40.596-05:00in the attic<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRqJyBqnTVg__g8Yt9-tBwlDwUpAKom2X8haZQOWelzeKewhj16mSrpFrAms6hXFjy-w8orayDuW7Ey-IOf7ReEO7VH24vWUVw27skx3r0sTOP0mLPVUX5mVpEe13pr9SSt52pSfAyAKg/s1600/angel+profile.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRqJyBqnTVg__g8Yt9-tBwlDwUpAKom2X8haZQOWelzeKewhj16mSrpFrAms6hXFjy-w8orayDuW7Ey-IOf7ReEO7VH24vWUVw27skx3r0sTOP0mLPVUX5mVpEe13pr9SSt52pSfAyAKg/s1600/angel+profile.jpg" height="320" width="232" /></a>I’m not a hoarder. I’m a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">saver</i>.
Hoarders take in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all </i>the cats. They hold
onto <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all </i>the magazines and newspapers
and mail. Savers keep the things with sentimental value. Hoarders stack their
piles in the way of life—high towers of precariously perched magazines, too-tall
bundles of mail, each folded and returned to its envelope, all of it claiming
surface and volume. Savers put their keepsakes in plastic boxes in the attic. Hoarders
keep things out of fear; savers keep them out of love. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Still, I’ve saved too much. I have enough ornaments for
three Christmas trees; Halloween costumes that, while I made them myself, fit
no one; original boxes from cameras and computers I no longer have; hat after
hat after hat; a sewing machine I don’t know how to use; a serger machine, ditto;
leftover copies of the magazine I used to publish; 72 VHS tapes we’ll never
watch; box after box of point-and-shoot photos, five pictures worth looking at
again; lighted garland and a lighted wreath we’ve never used and will never
use; a yellow Boby trolley with a set of clogged Rapidographs and black-from-use Staedtler erasers; boxes full
of books that were never unpacked when we moved here 20 years ago; dry-rotted
duffel bags. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtcvKGBq6TLyvV3hoAtxFdANezhS7n66o54uwiIXBKGaRvTndYahy3AGKysGouxJY8ucwyctqZDHFmV7bOdDIIeok3Qdc7C85O0bl4G7f4fMqkDISGTnRHoNb6olNqFrLk6DHz0bbvZKE/s1600/illustrious+nightspots.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtcvKGBq6TLyvV3hoAtxFdANezhS7n66o54uwiIXBKGaRvTndYahy3AGKysGouxJY8ucwyctqZDHFmV7bOdDIIeok3Qdc7C85O0bl4G7f4fMqkDISGTnRHoNb6olNqFrLk6DHz0bbvZKE/s1600/illustrious+nightspots.jpg" height="209" width="320" /></a></div>
And then there’s the paperwork. Even if you save <i>nothing </i>(who <i>are </i>you?), you have a few years worth of documents, tax returns, and bill receipts. I have more: papers and designs from high school and college (my favorite: a font I designed, the example and title a reference to The Cars, with an A+ from Ed Smith, an art teacher who died a decade ago), clever or meaningful
correspondences, birthday and congratulations cards with sentiments so lovely they probably made me cry,
acceptance and rejection letters, press clippings from the times I was in the
news or in the band. One of my favorite saved things: a letter to my daughter’s first-grade
teacher informing her that I will not enforce the use of the <a href="http://www.abcteach.com/DNealian/color/images/k.htm8.gif" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">D’Nealian k</a>. It was a funny letter, but the school did not laugh. Instead, I got a <i>reputation.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Until recently, all of this “savings” was hidden under the
eaves, in the cabinets we’d had built for this very thing. But the gems are
spilling, and I’m worried that they’ll come crashing through the floor and kill
me in my sleep. So I am sifting through, sorting out the permanent keepers from
the things that can go, like tax returns from 1997 and business receipts from a
venture that failed in 2006.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In holding on and discarding, I’ve learned three things. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. I was always bold. Among my high-school papers is a
comparison of Dracula to Vlad the Impaler: “A Tale of Two Sickies.” The pair of
“bloody” holes punched in the upper corner was my mother’s idea, but I wasn’t
afraid. There’s also a rhyming poem—for tenth grade English—called “or maybe an
aspirin,” which ends with the line, “or maybe a good fuck,” as if I had known
what that even meant. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3ViGPLuM43IN3CbciVufxjRHUlIueXIXII9aMy807GxCgPSgD5tPK2gmrA2TZ07EHAAMM1bKAPsLzcWMULdmMKGZQKgGdWs_G5WBL-eERPQ_fys7jkZEPc8rRMts_we5Jry1GvqvUF_I/s1600/pants.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3ViGPLuM43IN3CbciVufxjRHUlIueXIXII9aMy807GxCgPSgD5tPK2gmrA2TZ07EHAAMM1bKAPsLzcWMULdmMKGZQKgGdWs_G5WBL-eERPQ_fys7jkZEPc8rRMts_we5Jry1GvqvUF_I/s1600/pants.jpg" height="320" width="164" /></a>2. I am a good friend. Sometimes I wonder why people like
me, and I still don’t know the answer. But if I had any doubts, words
people put inside these hundreds of cards should dispel them. I could take away from this the fact
that I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">have </i>good friends. But how can
you consistently have wonderful people surrounding and supporting you,
saying<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>extraordinary things about you,
unless you’re good to them? More proof: breakup letters I’d written to two
old friends I felt had wronged me. They are better friends than ever now. <o:p></o:p></div>
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3. I am an optimist. This one might sound like a stretch, but there's no other way to explain it. I have saved, for at least a dozen
years—some much longer—clothing in size 6 and 8. OK, yes. I admit it. The size
10s are up there, too, now. <br /><br />I'm sentimental. It's true. But I can count the times, this one included, that I've looked at those cards in the last sixteen years on one finger. So most of them are in the box of our five-year-old iMac, where I've stuffed 50 pounds of papers for recycling. But I kept a few of them and a few of my school papers. And yes, I kept all the clothes, too. You never know.<br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-25899047794181594952014-09-08T09:36:00.000-04:002014-09-17T08:23:16.380-04:00writing: the latest territory dispute in the battle of the sexes?Do women write better than men? I'm not sure I'd use the word <i>better</i>. They're <i>different</i>—but only sometimes. Here's a little infographic from <a href="http://www.grammarly.com/grammarcheck" target="_blank">Grammarly</a>, the world's best grammar checker (next to me). Hang it up in your cube to settle those office disputes, or download it and email it to that gentleman who always says "VERB-idge."<br />
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And remember: If it didn't get said by someone else—and verbatim at that—it doesn't get quotation marks.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-65023795922242033932014-08-19T08:44:00.001-04:002017-07-25T13:47:41.031-04:00open letter to the lady who reserved twelve feet of beachfront property by placing two chairs ten feet apart<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: medium;"><i>This open letter was rejected by </i>McSweeney's. <i>Only the best rejections for me.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: medium;">Dear Lady Who Reserved Twelve Feet of Beachfront Property by Placing Two Chairs Ten Feet </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: medium;">Apart,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: medium;">Please forgive me today for breaking the invisible force field between the Tommy Bahama "The Coolest Spot in Paradise" beach chair and the blue no-frills version, both of which sat peacefully at the water's edge this morning, hypnotized by the hazy sun, lulled by the white noise of crashing surf.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ_EmNiK49DkZQaNRBzW5B8up1uIrstKh0MB9W4praIZwBsS44afJbs6Ruq2CjRo8rzDa8uZ0cmaRQMZ577aloW05G55e6llELyTkAiWraQ_SdomXJCG5AdtqQ_6Qe12PommAyY3NXaSM/s1600/1100.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ_EmNiK49DkZQaNRBzW5B8up1uIrstKh0MB9W4praIZwBsS44afJbs6Ruq2CjRo8rzDa8uZ0cmaRQMZ577aloW05G55e6llELyTkAiWraQ_SdomXJCG5AdtqQ_6Qe12PommAyY3NXaSM/s1600/1100.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: medium;">I should have felt the chairs' almost-psychic connection—and indeed would have had I not gotten so much sun the day before, my skin a leathery, impenetrable shield that wasn't even <i>tickled</i> by the electricity emitted by this meant-to-be pair.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: medium;">So when you called from the blanket behind us and excused yourself to tell me "that's my chair" as I put my own between the two—still so far from either that I'd have had to yell to them over the waves slamming the sand after last night's storms were we to converse—I was not at all being facetious when I asked if you'd like for me to move it closer to its friend (its lover?). Blame it on vacation brain! Blame it on being a mom traveling alone with teenagers. (Or blame it on the fact that one chair was a pillow-clad, mesh-pocketed, deluxe model, the other a one-position chair equipped with nothing, not even a colorful Coors Light ad on its back, though perhaps the pricey one came from Costco and the other from Sunsations, where it was likely to cost just as much, so who am I to judge?)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: medium;">It's an endearing little custom of your people, that of sending the men out in the early morning to plant the tent legs and umbrellas in the prime spots, dig them in hard against the high tide coming along in two hours, and space the chairs so they get the proper breathing room. They work so hard, those chairs, stuffed for 358 days in cramped lockers under the sundeck. They deserve their freedom. After all, I get a whole cubicle to myself for nine hours five days a week, with weekends to move about freely.<br /><br />Besides, they got here first. What am I doing at 7:00 a.m. but lazily wiping counters and folding laundry between sips of coffee on the 15th floor of the Capri, staring longingly out the salt-crusted window as a striped canvas forest unfolds before my eyes, a panorama of umbels breaking ground and blooming all at once, big swaths of wild umbrellas a wildlife preserve for bikini- and tankini-clad wives and mothers who will finally come to keep their belongings company after a leisurely breakfast at 10, the ice in their red plastic cups watering down the mimosas and bloody Marys in the elevator.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: medium;">I'm sorry, <i>your</i> red plastic cup. <i>Your </i>melted ice. And then you have to stand there and endure the likes of me, my age- and sea-addled brain just not getting it, just not comprehending that empty chairs—like so many blankets and towels lying out on cruise chaises at 6:00 a.m.—deserve their rightful place in the front row.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: medium;">I am humbled by my mistake and, truth be told, a little embarrassed. So I apologize not only for myself but for my chair, a blue Tommy Bahama "The Coolest Spot in Paradise" chair, borrowed from my sister, which demanded that we sit arm-in-arm with yours and which was crestfallen when you moved it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: medium;">Couldn't you feel the connection? If not, you'll probably get another chance. We're here till Friday.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: medium;">Best,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: medium;">Leslie F. Miller</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-81716514143012166482014-07-15T16:13:00.002-04:002017-07-15T08:04:32.580-04:00on being super<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Everyone’s special,
Dash.”<br />
“Which is another way of saying no one is.”<br />
—Dash and Elastigirl, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Incredibles<br /><o:p></o:p></i><o:p> </o:p></blockquote>
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“And when everyone’s super, no one will be.”<br />
—Syndrome, <i>The
Incredibles</i></blockquote>
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Once in a rare while, my mother will call, and we’ll have a conversation that starts like this.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Hello?”<br />
“[sob] Hello [sob]”<br />
“What’s the matter?”<br />
“It’s [sob] so beautiful [sob].”<br />
“What?”<br />
“Your poem. I don’t know how you do it.”</blockquote>
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That’s when I <i>know</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it’s <i>how</i> I know.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7o-6XpKB09rv5bAr26O4ODeUKjCKkjpnNPpYlNJltTBdFe4mGZub-VpM7w85IUGgOQUtV1d265R7cAeUbBpsseeWsAaOtmqVjUaipy75W_8roZBzMcEjYIhNG_Qec17N1EizkS02mwlY/s1600/writer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7o-6XpKB09rv5bAr26O4ODeUKjCKkjpnNPpYlNJltTBdFe4mGZub-VpM7w85IUGgOQUtV1d265R7cAeUbBpsseeWsAaOtmqVjUaipy75W_8roZBzMcEjYIhNG_Qec17N1EizkS02mwlY/s1600/writer.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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I am a writer. I have an undergraduate degree in English, an MFA in Creative Nonfiction, and a book published by Simon & Schuster. I’ve been writing for magazines and newspapers for thirty years, and I taught college English for 17. My 8 to 5 job is as a writer in the marketing department of a public corporation. <o:p></o:p></div>
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All writers need an editor, and my mother is a great one.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Most of the time, she calls with edits, corrections, and suggestions. She tells me when a word doesn’t mean what I think it means or when I’ve misspelled one. Her overall opinion is sometimes buried beneath the numbers of pieces of constructive advice on how to make my work better. I trust it. So when she calls me sobbing over a poem or an essay she saw somewhere, I know it’s a winner, and I can't describe that feeling.</div>
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I grew up long ago, in the ‘60s and ‘70s, when blue, red, and white ribbons were given for first, second, and third place. Back then, earning a B meant you were above average, and earning an A meant you were excellent. Participation was its own reward, the act of showing up unworthy of special acknowledgment.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I grew up to be a confident realist. I know the difference between what I do extraordinarily well and what I do poorly. I know I'm a mediocre singer and a below-average guitar player, but when I do them together, I can make some pretty good songs. Mediocrity is sometimes the means to an outstanding end.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I also grew up to be the same kind of mother as my own—one who is delighted by what her children can do, who is proud, who is frequently verklempt, and who encourages them to excel at artistic endeavors, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">despite</i> knowing that it may keep them poor, because it makes their lives so rich. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My daughter played her new song for me on Friday, shortly after she wrote it. I listened patiently, ideas and thoughts about how she could improve it swirling around in my brain. When she was finished, I told her it was “very nice,” thanked her for sharing it, and left the room.<br />
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We busied ourselves with dinner preparation, and eventually, with a hint of trepidation, Serena broached the subject of her song. She was a little annoyed with me. Did I really like it? Did she really want to know?<o:p></o:p></div>
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We all desire approval, and we don’t want people to think too hard about it because they might notice that a word isn’t perfect or that we settled for the most predictable rhyme (again!)—<i>run </i>with <i>gun, anymore </i>with <i>door—</i>or that we played a big, fancy lick when understatement would have been much more powerful at that moment. So she wasn’t happy to hear that even though I liked it, I thought seven minutes was too long for a slow song and eight times was too many to repeat the same line. She remained annoyed with me all night.</div>
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Some parents would have applauded and kissed their wonderful children. And some children would keep hitting the nail on the side or missing it altogether. When do they learn that the things we do well even as experienced adults don’t come out of us perfectly formed any more than our dent-headed children did? How does a 16-year-old girl's song achieve absolute perfection between brain and page? Under-scrutiny is a recipe for a lifetime of mediocrity. (This is only a blog post, but I will have edited it for hours and days before I publish it, and even after that, I will wish I’d written this paragraph differently and better.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmIOwwJJXVVQBVwk2IIm1p97I6_ywVXnbHJXjgiEV2j12cYiZ4U4lj9sJaJSpSH6V6T9rDp4o2uA5_XsQ1CfTRZSGeXhJuPuwWL0doHwmU0jAqNKKfsXFuCxgcMo-uNK_hZ0IEnrYJQSo/s1600/serena.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmIOwwJJXVVQBVwk2IIm1p97I6_ywVXnbHJXjgiEV2j12cYiZ4U4lj9sJaJSpSH6V6T9rDp4o2uA5_XsQ1CfTRZSGeXhJuPuwWL0doHwmU0jAqNKKfsXFuCxgcMo-uNK_hZ0IEnrYJQSo/s1600/serena.jpg" width="213" /></a>I used to call my daughter the Cal Ripken of Rock and Roll. Serena shows up and plays her heart out. She does so many things well that she can make the team look its best by picking up the slack. She’s reliable, and she’s helpful. And that makes kids who play with her want to do <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">their </i>best, too.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But there are other times when she’s the Babe—the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bae</i>—and knocks that shit out of the park. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I want her to know it every time. I want her to trust me when I tell her that she is spectacular. And the only way that can happen is if I also tell her when she’s not.<o:p></o:p></div>
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One day, when Serena is no longer living under my roof and my wing, and I don’t get to watch her compose music and listen to her noodle on the guitar, I’m going to see a video of some magnificent new song she’s sharing with the world, and I’m going to dial her number. She will answer the phone (if she's still speaking to me), and I’ll say, “[sob] Hello [sob],” and she’ll say, “What’s the matter?” and I’ll tell her, “It’s [sob] so beautiful [sob],” and she’ll ask “What?” and I’ll say, “Your song. I don’t know how you do it.”<br />
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In that moment, she’ll know not only <i>that </i>she did it but <i>how</i> she did it. And getting a phone call like that one might even be <i>why</i> she keeps doing it throughout her spectacular life.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-53177188403886104082013-12-24T15:13:00.001-05:002013-12-24T16:32:19.705-05:00The Tree—or Why the Jewish Girls Should Handle the Decorations<div class="MsoNormal">
Every year, we hem and haw over whether we’re getting a
Christmas tree: the expense, the work, the time, the mess—it’s all a hassle.
Yet every year, we get The Tree. It’s always $65, and it’s always the same
amount of work.</div>
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I move the furniture, I ride along to make sure we choose the best tree, I
screw the stand into the stump, I bring the lights and ornaments down from the
attic, I string the lights, I put the ornaments on the tree with a little help
from my daughter until she becomes bored.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When I grow sick of The Tree and the space it commands in front of the
window, I bring down the ornament boxes, put the ornaments away, take down the
lights and roll them up carefully, haul all the decorative Christmas crap back
to the attic and store it neatly under the eaves, drag the tree out to the
lawn, sweep the needles, and move all the furniture back to its comfortable
place.<br />
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My husband’s job couldn’t be simpler: take the tree out of
the truck, bring it into the house, and put it in the stand. Sometimes: saw a few
inches off the bottom. Sometimes: straighten the tree so I can re-screw it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But Marty feels he has another important job, which has
necessitated the annual tradition known as Tree Begging. It begins the day
after Thanksgiving with a discussion of whether and when we’ll get The Tree. My
Jewish daughter and I want it right away. My husband, who grew up with Christmas trees,
doesn’t want it at all. Every day, we see if that’s the day we can get The Tree.
Because it’s going to happen, and it’s going to cost $65. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This year, that day was the Sunday before Christmas. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqTHSVGkB7ng2Ud0SP28bYAaXhcQLR4oI-_nWGogd3Im3kL7EPj-SRVl4w_K6ylGFOkVO3817vpSkIV07bLDzo5q_NwhCGMP0dsUgUWffIUni8nwDMLs2Uc1WhD-HsYVEx2CVAc6zYOkQ/s1600/trees.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqTHSVGkB7ng2Ud0SP28bYAaXhcQLR4oI-_nWGogd3Im3kL7EPj-SRVl4w_K6ylGFOkVO3817vpSkIV07bLDzo5q_NwhCGMP0dsUgUWffIUni8nwDMLs2Uc1WhD-HsYVEx2CVAc6zYOkQ/s320/trees.jpg" width="320" /></a>Our next annual tradition is the discussion about where
we’ll buy The Tree. It’s always Walther Gardens, six-tenths of a mile from our
house. My husband argues that it’s too expensive, that we should go to that one
place on Loch Raven with the $20.99 “Tree’s.” I argue that spending money in our own
neighborhood benefits us and supports good spelling. <br />
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With only six trees remaining on the Walther Gardens lot, choosing The Tree was
easy. We took the $65 one. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This year, Marty didn’t have to saw the stump. But since my
back hurt from moving all the furniture, I asked my husband to take over the
lights. It had been awhile since he had shown any tree-decorating initiative.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
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First, he made himself a drink of absinthe, a Christmas gift from me, which he
sipped slowly while watching videos of his daughter on YouTube while I made
Fuquinay Gnog.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIRh0IWP71tuFdriRmoy0rwNUzYkU5dq0tr5FkpgoDmmC4MRyOlW7IKK8IBcGzr-IoFd-wWlJW9K6VlDa9OIsFFU3XvZlsMs5v2sJyuZAhj5DY7FDkq_bM5P_tWtZGNzP21L6oNJCTBHk/s1600/gnog+label+2013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIRh0IWP71tuFdriRmoy0rwNUzYkU5dq0tr5FkpgoDmmC4MRyOlW7IKK8IBcGzr-IoFd-wWlJW9K6VlDa9OIsFFU3XvZlsMs5v2sJyuZAhj5DY7FDkq_bM5P_tWtZGNzP21L6oNJCTBHk/s320/gnog+label+2013.jpg" width="171" /></a>Then Marty fixed his second absinthe cocktail and set about
the important work of wrapping the tree with lights, taking care to tuck the
strands into the tree and weave the branches in and out where necessary,
creating a uniform and glorious display of random flashes of color and beauty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After he began, I peeked out from the kitchen
to check on his progress. I clicked my tongue a few times and sighed heavily
and paced, returning to the kitchen. Every time I interrupted, he asked whether
I wanted to do it myself, and I did not. I didn’t. I did not want to do it
myself. So I sat at the table playing Candy Crush Saga and did not look until
he was finished.<br />
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The absinthe, it seemed, worked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because
my husband was <i>obviously</i> hallucinating. The green strands of
light cord were sticking out at all angles, with drunken loops like elf jump
ropes. Lights were strung <i>vertically</i>.
<i><b>VERTICALLY!</b></i></div>
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I suddenly recalled why my husband was relegated to taking the tree out of the
truck, bringing it into the house, and putting it in the stand. Sometimes sawing
a few inches off the bottom. Sometimes straightening the tree so I can re-screw
it.<o:p></o:p><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh83IE7iNsHBzQ23LlJ5GaVoT_xckLbAOmElgqoIJXXzCKlGxGhC68Up69sKq3DLrk96NrK3jZJjfOo2Xp_P4saOOrvWTaecr13jd72L8_QzYlu7gJpbBUMLWqKSLC79zhBbXN4-oQLC_k/s1600/christmas+card.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh83IE7iNsHBzQ23LlJ5GaVoT_xckLbAOmElgqoIJXXzCKlGxGhC68Up69sKq3DLrk96NrK3jZJjfOo2Xp_P4saOOrvWTaecr13jd72L8_QzYlu7gJpbBUMLWqKSLC79zhBbXN4-oQLC_k/s320/christmas+card.jpg" width="320" /></a>The Jewish women of the house hurled insults at him like so
many balls, deriding his work—both ethic and product. And when he left to walk
the dogs, we de-lighted The Tree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Serena
and I unwrapped the six strands of lights my husband had just installed, cussing
and shaking our heads with disgust over the tasteless display.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Our Christmas tree is now festively—and tastefully—adorned. A
Hungarian tapestry is our tree skirt, and the gifts I wrapped in sparkly paper
wait below to be torn open.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> (</span>The presents
I ordered for myself from my husband—I got me two photo backdrops and a stand from him—sit unwrapped.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Tonight, if all goes as it usually does, Marty will come back from a last-minute emergency trip to the drugstore and, when I am not looking, drip large, silver clumps of that tacky tinsel all over my work. That my daughter is his co-conspirator is largely how I know she is his.<br />
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<br /></div>
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By the 26th, I'll be ready to chuck The Tree
out on the lawn, but I'll let it stay until January 1st. And from that moment on, I'll look forward to doing it all again next year.<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Happy Holidays to you and yours. And by that I mean Merry
Christmas <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and </i>Happy New Year. May you get everything you need but only a few of the things you want. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-71996014965619311462013-11-29T07:30:00.002-05:002013-11-29T13:00:09.966-05:00the ABCs of gratitude: a thank-you note to my life<div class="MsoNormal">
What follows is an incomplete and sometimes incoherent list of things I'm grateful for right now, in my post-eggnog cheesecake stupor.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>A</b>rt—Paintings, sculpture, architecture, design, photography, music, theater, poetry: I can't live without them. Even camping in the woods wouldn't be tolerable without some art in it—reading or writing a poem, snapping a photo of sunset at Lava Point. I value the artist above all to make up for his devaluation every day, especially now that online content is stolen.The teacher and the doctor and the scientist and mathematician and speech pathologist and plumber are all important, and they're told every day that someone pays them with real money instead of website traffic or popularity. But we need to recognize that nearly everything we use, do, see, and need has an artist, not necessarily a doctor or a plumber, behind it somewhere. Honorable Mention: Alphabet—Fuckin’ a, fuckin’ b, fuckin’ c, and so on,
which allows me to make words and write. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgikFIxEFjGBAwlxorM-Yn7oQencjv076ZvXCqPUvmmI6Wy5AvSda06enB5pOti2Juc0CHWjkHhkM_INGBFnHAmVPbCfUWfTjb75VglDEahJLhPLUhhMystx6CJudcrnB9Xheq8dK9X6QA/s1600/aquarium+best+wm+sunset.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgikFIxEFjGBAwlxorM-Yn7oQencjv076ZvXCqPUvmmI6Wy5AvSda06enB5pOti2Juc0CHWjkHhkM_INGBFnHAmVPbCfUWfTjb75VglDEahJLhPLUhhMystx6CJudcrnB9Xheq8dK9X6QA/s320/aquarium+best+wm+sunset.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>B</b>altimore—I owe you a love song, Baltimore. You rock. You cook. You class me up. And you don't care if I wear slippers or curlers to the store, not that I would, but you might have thought those were slippers when in fact they were furry clogs. Your architecture makes our sunsets magnificent. Your trees make our sunrises possible. And your people butter my biscuits. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>C</b>rows—This morning as I write, there's a crow barking outside my window. I could watch the birds for hours, and I have. Thank you, Corvus brachyrhynchos, and your glossy blue-black brethren. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>D</b>ogs—A house without a dog is a quieter and less hairy house, but it's one I don't want. (I'm also thankful for the dog walkers, since I'm not well-built for leash use.) On the subject of dogs versus cats, let me just say that you never hear about the crazy <i>dog</i> lady. </div>
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<b>E</b>ggnog cheesecake. Honorable Mention: Elastic, necessary due to eggnog cheesecake.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>F</b>amily, Friends, and the F-word—It’s a three-way tie. You
can’t ever have enough of all three, except when you have too much. I couldn't name names because there are just too many, but I'm thinking of six people in particular who have had me in their thoughts more often than I deserve. I'll leave you to wonder. (If you think it's you, it might be, but only half of them would even think it was.)</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>G</b>uitar, Guild GAD 30—Next to the saxomophone, it’s my favorite
instrument, and I’m so lucky that I get to live in a house full of guitar
players. That everyone plays so much better than I do is the best part. I am
serenaded even when I don’t want to be, and that’s rare. I just wish they'd all play the Taylor instead.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>H</b>ome—I have a house. The windows leak, so it's cold upstairs. The bathroom toilet doesn't flush unless you hold the handle for ten seconds. The kitchen floor is cracked, and the cabinets are water damaged; the sink is rusting around the countertop, whose veneer is unglued. My house is small, but it is home. It's made of stone and brick, and it’s topped with slate. And nearly
everything I could want or need is inside. Behind a painting in the kitchen are the marks of Serena's height since she could stand.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ95N1zzVJoKE_0X5GnZ7-SUJAX6_2V9NMoycfPOYFLmSqbnpSnOFpxixJkujU_uiJk3pzdmj8aANCzTI0M9orROxEa4OqkyzfvhFqn4vi3sSsNOLK3BTkAdV43AiQ8ZzQvlwi9bXjHMc/s1600/flower+self+wm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ95N1zzVJoKE_0X5GnZ7-SUJAX6_2V9NMoycfPOYFLmSqbnpSnOFpxixJkujU_uiJk3pzdmj8aANCzTI0M9orROxEa4OqkyzfvhFqn4vi3sSsNOLK3BTkAdV43AiQ8ZzQvlwi9bXjHMc/s320/flower+self+wm.jpg" width="320" /></a><b>I</b>—That's right. I'm thankful for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I'm brave. I have nice hair. I work
hard. And I never pretend to be someone I'm not. I yam what I yam, you dig?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>J</b>ob—I have a job. And though I wish it were closer to my
home and less hard on my soul, I’m no fool. I have one, and it keeps me in all the material things above
and below the J, and it makes the non-material things a little easier. I have gripes. But I have gratitude, too, and they can coexist.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>K</b>itchen—It's
served me well, mostly, for 20 years. For the last 16, our kitchen table
has been the place we come together to talk and watch the news. We have dinner together almost every night. But more than a
place to eat, the kitchen is really the <i>living</i> room. Our friends visit and play
music in it (the acoustics are nice because of the tile floor), drink a beer, eat cake. We do our homework there. I wrote a whole book
there. And as soon as we remodel, I'll be writing another one in that kitchen.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>L</b>ove. Laughter. Light. Life. Latex. So many L-words to be
thankful for.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>M</b>usic—Even bad music is preferable than no music at all.
Well, except <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djOTbpZAAlI" target="_blank">this</a>. Honorable Mention: Marty, who risked his life to deep fry a Thanksgiving turkey and who cleaned for three hours after Thanksgiving. He does stuff 365 days a year, and a lot of it is music.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>N</b>ikon D600—I don’t ever see fully without it. By the end of the year, I'll have taken 6,000 photos with it. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>O</b>rgasms—They are the dessert of love. If one ever lasted as long as an amusement park ride, you'd probably be dead when it ended.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiqyMyPm0VuhflcaaGI6g9_M7oFmbfiL86NMA9DAOsWwJPRb8Dy6pCF2vgfCa24ONP2YXwAn2218D97Vu4-gfB-SGImwAFddtHmZZw7pSoisC4yJEcW3CXtDf7K6XEN-36aC8GH134AFg/s1600/guitar+and+beer+wm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiqyMyPm0VuhflcaaGI6g9_M7oFmbfiL86NMA9DAOsWwJPRb8Dy6pCF2vgfCa24ONP2YXwAn2218D97Vu4-gfB-SGImwAFddtHmZZw7pSoisC4yJEcW3CXtDf7K6XEN-36aC8GH134AFg/s320/guitar+and+beer+wm.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<b>P</b>ale Ale—this is liquid joy, effervescence,
exuberance in a glass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could live without
it, but why? Honorable Mention: Poetry. I could live without it, but why?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Q</b>uilt—There’s
a quilt on my bed that’s a little too thin for winter, but I can’t bring myself to replace
it with a comforter. I bought it right after my father died. It
was the first time he <i>spoke</i> to me since his death. He said,
“You want it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll buy it.” So
even though it was my money, he bought it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>R</b>epartee—I
love some clever banter with my very witty friends. Honorable Mention: Rum, which makes others' rejoinders seem even more
clever than they are.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>S</b>leep—You take it for granted until you can’t do it
anymore. I went through so many years of being unable to fall asleep on my own,
and now, every night that I sleep is a day I’m grateful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Honorable Mention: Sonata—because when
I can’t sleep, there’s that. Honorable Mention 2:
Shiatsu—because even if it weren't responsible for my continued ability to
postpone back surgery, it's two hours a week of complete letting go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, wait. Did you say <i>S</i>? Serena, of
course.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"<b>T</b>he Boys are Back in Town," by Thin Lizzy—one
of my top five favorite songs of all time got better this year. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/oRmyfnNin1I" width="420"></iframe></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unders/Underwear—You know, the stuff you wear under your clothes. Every time you call them panties, a pervert gets out of jail. Panties are little pants. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<b>V</b>erbs—They are the hardest working part of speech for a reason.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>W</b>erther's Originals (sugar-free!)—I used to think these
were candies for old people, but when I turned 50, I discovered how delicious
they are.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>X</b>anax—Because everybody needs a little break from my
neuroses for a few hours.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Y</b>ou—Are you reading this? Still? You. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Z</b>icam*—It stops your cold. It makes everything taste like metal, too, which helps you not eat the rest of the eggnog cheesecake.<br />
<br />
<br />
May the time between now and next year's big dry bird be full of things that make us grateful. That is my wish for mankind.<br />
<br />
- - - -<br />
<br />
*I feel like Z was anti-climactic. But I'm not that into zebras or zygotes or zithers, and I've never been to Zanzibar. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-55355646797109023042013-08-26T08:34:00.001-04:002013-08-26T08:34:24.069-04:00The Death Writer: Monday Mourning: The Death of a FatherCheck out my interview here.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://thedeathwriter.blogspot.com/2013/08/monday-mourning-death-of-father_26.html?spref=bl">The Death Writer: Monday Mourning: The Death of a Father</a>: I like to break things and put them back together in a random, yet tasteful, order. I am the author of the nonfiction book Let Me Eat Cake:...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-60166057602587958302013-08-14T23:53:00.002-04:002013-08-15T10:04:50.958-04:00divots<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
My breasts
are too big.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Professionals from
the age of 11, they skipped their training and went right to the C cup. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFz9VFtrSGRNecrgYbyyqBwwz9h98XopP3etLbGGspUZY3XBhEyWsM140HqXrG3TLIhdAH9UgOEgUNBWYqbEnTRCV-uz5MHZRqCwjV8p5NS6Q_e9zB_Xm-NuGmhyphenhyphenI_UqG5tsZPbKlc0Bg/s1600/16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFz9VFtrSGRNecrgYbyyqBwwz9h98XopP3etLbGGspUZY3XBhEyWsM140HqXrG3TLIhdAH9UgOEgUNBWYqbEnTRCV-uz5MHZRqCwjV8p5NS6Q_e9zB_Xm-NuGmhyphenhyphenI_UqG5tsZPbKlc0Bg/s320/16.jpg" width="306" /></a>When I flash
on growing up with my breasts, I remember mostly humiliating things: my
piss-yellow gym uniform gaping at the snaps; the obvious size discrepancy
between the two as revealed by the green Speedo I wore for swim practice and
meets every day of the summer for all my high-school years; being called Moose
Miller, after the comic strip, by two boys in the sixth grade who had not
learned to like breasts yet—or they had and simply acted as boys in the sixth
grade do (which, come to think of it, is not unlike the way many men do).
Perhaps my most vivid recollection is standing naked in front of a male plastic
surgeon as he took pictures of them during a consultation for a breast
reduction that I never had.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
From my teen
years on, I often slept in a bra when I had my period, and my breasts spent the
majority of my pregnant nights in a much larger one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are the first body part to gain weight, and they are
the last to lose it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
My sister,
my husband, and many of my girlfriends regularly point out their size to me, as
if they are separate entities controlled by remote, which I use to inflate or
deflate them at will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some people,
mostly men, talk to them instead of my nice eyes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Last year's
mammogram hurt so much that, despite my having lymphoma and needing to do
regular cancer screenings, I postponed this year's mammogram by more than four
months. And this one, performed two weeks ago, hurt so much that they still throb
from the crushing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjurcilGHvdTWkM04dkKQXAu_y5mh475BPgpjLXFCdHLsC_nuqpVmXD-P45AeuV4UfUqkYW2_z2Qw4H1hBzAet6yG-v5P07HgQIdtMepKb0pFpvnfh_sL9pD2fQajwla0nmZGyR-izTLYE/s1600/divots+best+wm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjurcilGHvdTWkM04dkKQXAu_y5mh475BPgpjLXFCdHLsC_nuqpVmXD-P45AeuV4UfUqkYW2_z2Qw4H1hBzAet6yG-v5P07HgQIdtMepKb0pFpvnfh_sL9pD2fQajwla0nmZGyR-izTLYE/s400/divots+best+wm.jpg" width="400" /></a>What bothers
me most about my breasts—more than ill-fitting tops and now-wrinkled cleavage
and soreness and wires poking into my ribcage for thirteen hours a day (even
now, as I sit in my bed and compose this sad ode to them)—are the divots in my
shoulders, the permanent cuts in my bones. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Nothing,
save a fluffy pillow, could have stopped the elastic straps from cutting
grooves into my shoulders. Surely not fatter straps, which would have likely
caused fatter grooves. I couldn't have chosen <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">no</i> bra or a strapless bra or even a racer back, which would have simply
moved the groove closer to my neck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>During the eighties, however, I reduced the discomfort and the cutting
effect by placing my shoulder pads <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">under</i>
my bra straps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alas, shoulder pad
style was short lived and never made a comeback—unlike bell bottoms, hip
huggers, and tube tops. (That I couldn't wear a tube top is probably the most
positive result of my breast size.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
In the
summer, my divots are most visible. Though the swimsuit straps should fit
nicely into the grooves, where they will stay put and are not subject to
sliding down, my breasts are too heavy to stay put.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A length of yarn ties the straps together at the back to
hold me up. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Most of the
time, no one sees my physical deformity except for my husband, my daughter, and
a random friend for whom, when I want sympathy, I will occasionally yank over
my shirt and slip down my bra strap. But I can see it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More important: I can <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">feel </i>it.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Friends joke
sometimes when they hear I'm thinking again about a breast reduction. "You
can give me what you don't want," one woman says; another replies,
"Maybe we can split it!"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I feel a
little like a traitor now, having spent the last 600 words dissing the girls,
both of whom have served me well in a few of life's most important arenas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Despite the abnormalities and the pain
and the disfigurement they've caused me over the years, I don't hate them
nearly as much as I hate my ankles.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I write
about my breasts and my struggles with the consequences of their size because I
get a little weary of the insensitive messages sent by deceptive advertisers
and well-meaning friends alike. Every day, someone posts a so-called positive,
uplifting message about how wonderful our bodies are and how we should love
them and not fall prey to Madison Avenue's unachievable lingerie-model
standard.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Our feelings
about our bodies go far deeper than what we look like in the mirror.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don't know which is more
insulting—the notion that beauty is a size 0 or the impression that I am so
shallow that I would reject my body parts because of their appearance alone—or
that appearance doesn't also hinder function.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
So I'll say
it: I don't love my body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sometimes
don't like it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But every day, I
stuff parts into fabric contraptions and make the best of what works and what
doesn't. And my relationship with those parts is an intimate, personal one
(though it's not, now, a private one) influenced by gym teachers and doctors
and parents and lovers and children and friends and bullies and disease and
books and music and, yes, advertising, because we don't live in a vacuum.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Like America
itself, the motto of the body should not be "love it or leave it." It
should be "love it or try to make it better."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that's probably what most of us do.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-15084107101503662872013-06-18T22:09:00.001-04:002013-06-28T17:29:00.253-04:00the work of art<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX-HVpy05kgrYY2Q7i9F2IfkILQlRDUF3Sza9r0_3DzsDbvbUlW1LGVrR3vHN8Db6B-pGue7C9A9uvClPQW9EsswAdESDca2whvsf2jFFSaRPQSKqYyPYbEItJJ74dLRqTfJ8Q6dBSkag/s1600/ZINNIA+COMPLETE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX-HVpy05kgrYY2Q7i9F2IfkILQlRDUF3Sza9r0_3DzsDbvbUlW1LGVrR3vHN8Db6B-pGue7C9A9uvClPQW9EsswAdESDca2whvsf2jFFSaRPQSKqYyPYbEItJJ74dLRqTfJ8Q6dBSkag/s400/ZINNIA+COMPLETE.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The function
of your organs is not dependant upon a Picasso centered above the sofa. You
will, indeed, breathe without a bound set of pages filled with well-constructed
lines of words about a wheelbarrow and chickens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your heart will beat, albeit more slowly and evenly, without
having ever heard the greatest rock and roll song of all time—whether that song
is Hendrix's version of "All Along the Watchtower" or Zeppelin's "Stairway
to Heaven" or Springsteen's "Born to Run." You certainly don't need
movies to make your blood flow.<br />
<br />
But try living without art. You can't. I am willing to bet that not a single
room in your house, including the bathroom, is devoid of it in some form.<br /><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In my small bedroom, I have eight original paintings, a mosaic, a silkscreen, a
print, a photo, two lithographics, and a blown-glass vase made by an artisan.
Some were gifts; some were purchases; some are the work of my daughter or me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9F1LCxpoPS3kxAiqsGUmVEHPnndjrZ1Wq3VROGkNFy75I3jZ7GHwHMguCR1Td4mdLi_tsSW2-Vw1RD2JjwcZNkjMwq3yjRmb_ZK9NQxpjaVqx5UMQpCWi7h9Tud54m6oeo75_G_LXtGA/s1600/ZINNIA+ORIGINAL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9F1LCxpoPS3kxAiqsGUmVEHPnndjrZ1Wq3VROGkNFy75I3jZ7GHwHMguCR1Td4mdLi_tsSW2-Vw1RD2JjwcZNkjMwq3yjRmb_ZK9NQxpjaVqx5UMQpCWi7h9Tud54m6oeo75_G_LXtGA/s400/ZINNIA+ORIGINAL.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">These are
the things I value not only because they bring me joy when I look at them, but
because I know how much heart went into them, how much <i>work</i>.
When we buy something from an artist, sometimes what we pay for is the time
spent on that single piece, but most often we pay for education, experience,
practice, tools, materials, inspiration, and all the things that led to the
creation of that piece of art.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's the
same thing with accounting. You pay not only for someone to prepare your taxes;
you pay for the education that taught the preparer. You pay for a roof and
walls and materials and utilities. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So a
photograph, simple as it seems, is not just a quick capture of a moment in
time.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0zl7vl1nmdYTfMRXxsIre79BLX_Sh8XBovn_3o7qn4ppah-k-xBXcNJhYHbguZWne5ElucIm3q75LhKkDPYOu6x_ioBK6y6E26Ekb4uulXoB53jt1F5kpyQ9S8mOiBKCLiyjW_IFQ3kw/s1600/BEFORE+AND+AFTER.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0zl7vl1nmdYTfMRXxsIre79BLX_Sh8XBovn_3o7qn4ppah-k-xBXcNJhYHbguZWne5ElucIm3q75LhKkDPYOu6x_ioBK6y6E26Ekb4uulXoB53jt1F5kpyQ9S8mOiBKCLiyjW_IFQ3kw/s400/BEFORE+AND+AFTER.jpg" width="292" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The other
day, I took a walk down the street with a friend to shoot some of the pretty
flowers we saw on the way home from dinner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I grabbed my camera and two lenses—about $3,500 worth of
equipment—and we spent about 30 minutes walking, examining the flowers,
composing our shots, and pressing the button that seems to determine the
photo's value in the minds of some.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My card had
more than 60 images when I returned. I previewed each, selected the ones I
thought had potential to be beautiful, and went to work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While flowers are pretty without
makeup, my goal is to convey something more than an exact two-dimensional
replica of a three-dimensional flower. I want to show you a wo</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">rld, a place you
don't often notice. I want that picture to swallow one of your breaths.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The
beautiful zinnia you see at the top of the page didn't look exactly like that
in my camera. It was planted in a box in front of a neighbor's house, and you
could see a blurred-out background of mortar and brick, but it was a little too
pronounced for my liking. When you're looking at a flower, you're looking at
the flower; the background shouldn't detract.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I blew up the bloom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Next, I adjusted the color, clicked the Auto Tone button, adjusted the color
again, clicked the HDR button and fiddled with those adjustments, pasted the
previous version on top of the HDR version and erased the parts I wanted
crispier before merging those two images. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf4E2EzGiJmbRdnaD6CtfHIci1AwqN3_mHr_RW-yE6lH0VBhionIoyr2MZEIrxbpJ1NCHlVDbE68Hvr3FVv9EIJwaQQBlk9UywtR0lFtA5N5So3mBmTbEqt33grWxxlyl02hiFK2Ij_p4/s1600/EDITING+STEPS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf4E2EzGiJmbRdnaD6CtfHIci1AwqN3_mHr_RW-yE6lH0VBhionIoyr2MZEIrxbpJ1NCHlVDbE68Hvr3FVv9EIJwaQQBlk9UywtR0lFtA5N5So3mBmTbEqt33grWxxlyl02hiFK2Ij_p4/s640/EDITING+STEPS.jpg" width="469" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Finally, I
add a watermark in an inconspicuous place—not because I want to protect the
image from theft (anyone with an iota of initiative can blot or crop out my
watermark) but because it's <i>mine</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sign my work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It's a pride thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
didn't spend thirty minutes editing a single photograph so that my picture
could be another of the millions of anonymous images floating around without
attribution.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">
<br />
Sometimes I'll post that photo on my Flickr or Facebook page. If you like it,
you will leave me a comment saying it's beautiful. But the truth is that I want
you to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">buy </i>it. I want you to hire me
to shoot your kid's senior portrait or the headshot for your new book or your
party.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And when I
tell you that I charge $250 to $350 for a one-hour photo shoot, which includes
25 to 50 images on a DVD, you should understand that I took eight times that
number and that each of those 400 images was scrutinized, that the final images
were each opened and tweaked, that zits were blotted out, that skin was smoothed,
that, ladies, your mustache was softened, your eyes were made to sparkle more,
your tie, gentlemen, was enhanced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What you get is hours of work that's hard on the eyes and the hands and
the neck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I want you
to find the exchange of art for money a valuable, mutually beneficial one that
will bring you joy for years to come. <br />
<br />
So even though I have that photograph lying around, collecting pixels, taking
up disk space, it's not free. My name and a link to my website are not a fair
exchange for the <i>work</i> that makes a work of art.<br /><br />I <a href="http://lesliefmiller.blogspot.com/2013/06/your-toilet-is-clogged-and-youve-called.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">don't work for free. Period.</a></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-81608129238457288442013-06-10T22:15:00.003-04:002013-06-16T12:26:53.876-04:00the magnitude<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My father
would have been 76 today.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggBCM1hDuI3uTVD_qWXJUf35oqtHuDL77Fpy60ByJqX05TheDdxu0v4Vuly1PZjhztAfNg2b5UBPfkCcT9S9ea9wZgjYg643BPFyWfhMXjzR5H6nmx9WskIbwTbt8MSIAgE5djhwcIpos/s1600/dad's+car.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggBCM1hDuI3uTVD_qWXJUf35oqtHuDL77Fpy60ByJqX05TheDdxu0v4Vuly1PZjhztAfNg2b5UBPfkCcT9S9ea9wZgjYg643BPFyWfhMXjzR5H6nmx9WskIbwTbt8MSIAgE5djhwcIpos/s320/dad's+car.jpg" width="214" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">One of the
biggest challenges about my father, second only to being a passenger in the car
he was driving, was buying him presents. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Usually,
we'd combine his birthday gift with his Father's Day gift to save ourselves the stress. Because
he was so thoughtful with ours (he'd call a month before our birthdays,
when we were cooking dinner or doing homework, expecting an immediate answer to
the question of what we'd like him to buy us), we always wanted to get him something
special, memorable, useful—more out of love than obligation. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Every so
often, we'd get a good idea, and we'd milk that for as long as we could.
Because my dad owned a paving company, and because <i>alligatoring</i>
was a thing that happened to asphalt, we started an alligator collection for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He'd smile at the inside joke and set
the paving stone or paperweight or bottle opener or sculpture or mosaic down on
the table, and my mom would find a place for it. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoWPYNg6cacKKS8zW6UtWiS3yPq8yV374p6rAftL55w3ckPwFP5V0PJELCzXKiJRQX3-gg4h-NOV8C8KFwopR-RjAlSSxv6DyZto5Odq-t-BeS9mLoEjipDticWPnRmtKntd8frNGjsV0/s1600/family+portrait.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoWPYNg6cacKKS8zW6UtWiS3yPq8yV374p6rAftL55w3ckPwFP5V0PJELCzXKiJRQX3-gg4h-NOV8C8KFwopR-RjAlSSxv6DyZto5Odq-t-BeS9mLoEjipDticWPnRmtKntd8frNGjsV0/s320/family+portrait.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The rest of
it—bathrobes, sweaters, ties, socks, wallets, money clips—stayed in their boxes
for years because he didn't need anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a good shot he'd wear it if it had a horse on it,
though, so we'd bought him a rainbow of Polo shirts, beach towels, shorts, and enough cologne
to drown a polo pony. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: center;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: center;">Sometimes
we'd buy him gift certificates that he'd lose under the seat of his car or CDs
he wanted but which still had the shrink wrap on them when he died.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: center;">The things he treasured the most were the XXL sleep shirts with his grandchildren's photos ironed on them. In
fact, Beth would pay for the shirts and transfers, and I'd take the pictures
and do the ironing.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">
<br />
The last few were a large. We took them to the rehab center on Christmas, and
he cried.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I'd only seen him cry
maybe one other time in my life, and that was when <i>his</i>
father died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I'm wearing one of
those shirts now, a photo of Serena kissing Marcus. My dad never got to wear
it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Today is
like the last mile of firsts: first birthday without him, first Father's Day
without him, and, in 25 days, it will be the end of the first year without him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizy9sJ5W9viM58gYEwtPgI3_dOgbncZ92T9fCaRAP6hCWVzS_3HUptNjPDLjkwK3gqolTVeJ9QmETbnzwGRJfk4RZhPr9a0MZu5zvlYG8OuePSpkDcVEXXSECzyiS9ejDYAZAYdzvhuyc/s1600/336776_10150460797199947_627542823_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizy9sJ5W9viM58gYEwtPgI3_dOgbncZ92T9fCaRAP6hCWVzS_3HUptNjPDLjkwK3gqolTVeJ9QmETbnzwGRJfk4RZhPr9a0MZu5zvlYG8OuePSpkDcVEXXSECzyiS9ejDYAZAYdzvhuyc/s320/336776_10150460797199947_627542823_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have been
in a bad mood for eleven months. If I ever had patience, it left with my
father. I'm easily frustrated, often angry, moody, pensive, and very
lonely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would be easier to
count the days I <i>didn't</i> cry on my way to work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am like a gurgling volcano. It's very
hard to tell when it's safe to come near me. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">On July 5th,
the anniversary of his death, I expect to ooze hot lava for three days, until
the headstone unveiling on the 7th, when I will be done erupting and will begin
to cool down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I might have a
little residual steam, but I'll probably be safe for the tourists.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yeah. It's
going to happen just like that. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-51649735342244742202013-06-05T08:26:00.001-04:002016-08-31T11:15:03.657-04:00don't work for free. period.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdLubo2IA5nP_Hoxe40OacX01hHxZBYor0Vd6pILWbM5ADovWXEwrIHIQ0aHFOMqXqDPOXJHdU1WaDV3FMZ1K1iQd8PdDEuMi0wC3yJ0kN1IUQhRHtk5Rav8r2Zo7puTE6JIeTXBYPiec/s1600/give+me+an+f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdLubo2IA5nP_Hoxe40OacX01hHxZBYor0Vd6pILWbM5ADovWXEwrIHIQ0aHFOMqXqDPOXJHdU1WaDV3FMZ1K1iQd8PdDEuMi0wC3yJ0kN1IUQhRHtk5Rav8r2Zo7puTE6JIeTXBYPiec/s320/give+me+an+f.jpg" width="320" /></span></a><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Your toilet is clogged, and you've called a plumber. "Is this Bob the Plumber? Yes, I have a clogged toilet. I want you to come and fix it. In exchange, I will put a sign out on my lawn for the whole time you're here that says you are upstairs fixing my toilet. The sign will have your phone number on it. When you're finished, the sign will stay around, but it'll probably go behind the tree-trimmer's sign."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The plumber is delighted. He needs the 30 minutes of free publicity on your low-traffic street.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Can't imagine that scenario? Substitute <i>photographer</i> (or <i>writer </i>or <i>artist</i>) and <i>link to your website</i> for <i>plumber</i> and <i>sign. </i>Not so far-fetched anymore, is it? </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In fact, you can substitute just about any kind of artistic endeavor for any kind of service or product; the analogy is perfect.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8K8UYYLZdEJJPKfTfm5iB0VcxDBogiDwn0uSHtISQooiDXcBGuZ0XoMdzuT6YNAhZ7WhQJ9pLuPAI6q8vIxMlf_Zw85M6jvzkDfFFDR2ANtmF2Hj2JJEAwbD3sWgDSQx1t12taafnW3Y/s1600/gerbera+half+cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8K8UYYLZdEJJPKfTfm5iB0VcxDBogiDwn0uSHtISQooiDXcBGuZ0XoMdzuT6YNAhZ7WhQJ9pLuPAI6q8vIxMlf_Zw85M6jvzkDfFFDR2ANtmF2Hj2JJEAwbD3sWgDSQx1t12taafnW3Y/s320/gerbera+half+cover.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am not the only one to say elegantly that <a href="http://shouldiworkforfree.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">you shouldn't work for free</a>. But until you commit to the mantra that should be of <i>every artist—</i>regardless of medium, regardless of patron—your work will continue to be devalued by society. Is cheapening an entire industry worth not being worth a dime a dozen to have your name on some blog somewhere, with a usually misspelled attribution and a broken l</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">ink to a website you sporadically maintain? </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span> <span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Artists are not rich. Our art is relegated to hobby status because we can't afford to pay our children's school tuition and our car payments with all the generous links to our websites.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span> <span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span> <span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">A few years ago, I was asked to donate a large mosaic sculpture for an auction </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">benefitting cancer patients. The woman who solicited the request was being paid to organize the event. The winning bidder was getting my art. And I? I would not be getting paid. The entire charity event was on the backs of the artists, the people who could <i>least</i> afford to donate to charity.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">What about artists requesting art from each other? A friend once asked me to do some design work. If this project took off, he told me, then he'd have a lot of money to hire me for the big design jobs later. And when that time came, he said he went with a <i>professional</i> designer, one who would <i>never</i> give away her w</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">ork. Since that day 25 year</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">s ago, my policy is this: </span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I will trade something of value to you for something of value (usually money) to me.</span></b></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I bring this up because I received a request for a photo. I get maybe a dozen each year, but each is irksome. I want to share this exchange with you. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> </span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg40f7ktydwZuUTyxM3Gsp_FAPvvzNvma9rOGzHtgTAk35cuii4bZcgH9U8MaiW_rQdcb4xmM-FbliPgSnwwC3oZ0YELeTPgP-pnNsrvN_63oxhaNqreNbOw9DGIJjrpirhVmiMgk4Dhuo/s1600/welcome+mat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg40f7ktydwZuUTyxM3Gsp_FAPvvzNvma9rOGzHtgTAk35cuii4bZcgH9U8MaiW_rQdcb4xmM-FbliPgSnwwC3oZ0YELeTPgP-pnNsrvN_63oxhaNqreNbOw9DGIJjrpirhVmiMgk4Dhuo/s320/welcome+mat.jpg" width="320" /></span></a><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Hello. My name is [Name] and I work for [Website.com]. First of all, your work is incredible. I was wondering if we could use this photo (see link below) for one of our blog posts. We will give you credit for the image and link back to your page. Please email me with your answer.</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Thanks,</span> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">[Name]</span></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Here's my reply:</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">First of all, thank you for the compliment on my work. I have been taking photographs since I was a little girl. I developed my own film and printed photos in high school, and I grew up to take professional portraits and other artistic shots.</span> </span></blockquote>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBU2CHPqqJ-fdF0xAWhopm5b60S2XqfLWWsN328CPl5y9NYKJ1WosM6pbCVMKOZSoSQ1lk1_gjD0N2qGx3WhkWG8ONdPcH3UcGQpL8b66e6kCM4m9X0vV0CM3js4cdInqOIrTPKkQ9owY/s1600/first+selfie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBU2CHPqqJ-fdF0xAWhopm5b60S2XqfLWWsN328CPl5y9NYKJ1WosM6pbCVMKOZSoSQ1lk1_gjD0N2qGx3WhkWG8ONdPcH3UcGQpL8b66e6kCM4m9X0vV0CM3js4cdInqOIrTPKkQ9owY/s320/first+selfie.jpg" width="225" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">My first self-portrait, ca 1977,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">shot, developed, and printed by me.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Here's my thought: I want ten bucks for the photo, and it's not the money; it's the principle. I know you can get a free photograph from the next person—someone who wants to self-promote or add publishing credits to his or her résumé. But I don't need either of those.</span> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Art takes time and costs the artist money. (My camera and one lens were more than three grand.) So why shouldn't it cost the patron money? </span> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Look: you will pay someone to fix the </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">toilet, massage your feet, and shampoo your hair. Would you ever expect someone—a stranger, no less!—to do those services for free? Would the plumber unclog your sink for a sign on your lawn that says he's working on your bathroom? What about shopping: could </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">you walk into a grocery store and get free bananas? Or get a free shirt from Macy*s?</span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If I got a link back to my website, would the next person ask me for a free photo, too? </span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So ten bucks, my name (Leslie </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">F. Miller), and a link to my photo site (</span><a href="http://www.lesliefmiller.com/" style="background-color: white; color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">www.lesliefmiller.com</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">). If you think that's a fair deal, you can send me some PayPal cash</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">, and I'll send you a high-res image.</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">:-D</span> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Leslie</span> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<br /></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I don't recommend asking for $10. In fact, I usually ask for $50 from non-profits and $100 from for-profit companies (though it's hard to tell the difference), but this would've been for one blog post, its life cut short by a flurry of new posts in short time. (Just in case you think non-profits are somehow more worthy, remember that the Directors and CEOs of <i>large</i> nonprofits make hundreds of thousands a year. The small ones don't, but they <i>do</i> pay their employees and buy office supplies! They can afford $50. They can afford $10 for a blog photo.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Here is her reply:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Leslie,</span><br />As much as I understand (and agree) with your request, I'm only an intern working for a (non-profit) company/website who cannot afford to pay for the use of photos right now. For that reason, I'm going to have to pass on your kind and fair offer. However, I do encourage you to hold tight to your decision (as I am also a photographer -- amateur, but even so -- and understand completely what you mean). </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Thank you so much for your reply! I wish you all the best in your photographic endeavors. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Sincerely, </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> [Name]</span></blockquote>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6DnZdlLIzu8wxqSbTO-IGYDjKeNHIibSzV9rWQ0VJ1zxBtD-c-Efu6ZMrFPE0LM7qYBNffNPoOX3nHKjMF5Oi0x8-lIwGwU61IJ9vF696m-bMQoWABRqUsimbPrHGbJMFMOtHz5uoY8o/s1600/dahlia+duo+wm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6DnZdlLIzu8wxqSbTO-IGYDjKeNHIibSzV9rWQ0VJ1zxBtD-c-Efu6ZMrFPE0LM7qYBNffNPoOX3nHKjMF5Oi0x8-lIwGwU61IJ9vF696m-bMQoWABRqUsimbPrHGbJMFMOtHz5uoY8o/s400/dahlia+duo+wm.jpg" width="266" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">While her outrageously delicious writing and good grammar and perfect punctuation have me oozing with delight, I'm still giving nothing away. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Ask your excellent dentist if you can, instead of paying her, hand out her business cards every time someone compliments your teeth! Ask yo</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">ur ingenious accountant if, instead of paying for having your taxes prepared, you could put a magnetic sign advertising his services on your car during tax season. Hey, wait! Don't tip the talented shampoo girl! </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Wear her name on a barrette in your just-washed tresses. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span> <span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Have I ever been paid for a photograph? Yes! But no one who has ever written to request a handout has ever changed his mind. And that's fine with me. Because the people who write to ask for photos with a check in their hands are the places where the publicity will matter. And the big corporations who ask for handouts can suck my—well, this has been a family-friendly post, so I'll keep it that way.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span> <span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Bottom line: hold fast to your principles. You retain so much more than those: you keep your integrity and your rights. Best of all, you do it for all artists—the photographer, the painter, the writer, the digital artist, the musician (!), the sound man, the comp</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">oser, the actor. You do it for <i>everyone</i>, really.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If you want to give your artwork as a gift, your deserving friend will certainly appreciate that! (I do! We do!) Birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, graduations—these are the perfect opportunities to share your art with them. But remember that even the paintings and photos hanging on the walls of your friends' homes and offices were, for the most part, <i>paid for</i>. Let them pay you, too (a little less; they're friends, after all).</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Share this public service announcement with everyone you know. <b>And don't work for free. Period.</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If you like what you read here, buy one of my books: </span><i style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.finishinglinepress.com/product_info.php?products_id=578" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">BOYGIRLBOYGIRL</a></i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">; </span><i style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Let-Me-Eat-Cake-Celebration/dp/1416588744/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1370434655&sr=1-1&keywords=let+me+eat+cake+leslie+miller" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Let Me Eat Cake: A Celebration of Flour, Sugar, Butter, Eggs, Vanilla, Baking Powder, and a Pinch of Salt</a></i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And if you're still giving your work away, you're responsible for this: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SaveSunTimesPhotojournalists" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Save the <i>Sun-Times </i>Photojournalists.</a></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Edited to add the following note from a reader:</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Is writing a blog working for free?<br /><br />No. It's working for yourself. You're trading something of value to you for something of value to you. Your name is on it. You're not promoting the services or products of anyone but yourself. In other worlds (and words), it's called "advertising."</span><br />
<b><br /></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-52830347889792674452013-04-12T22:00:00.003-04:002013-04-12T22:00:34.314-04:00unguessed miseries (reprise)<i>Tonight, in my kitchen, we reminisced with friends about our camping experiences and remembered, many of us incorrectly, a night that featured a bloody t-shirt. My daughter observed that I'm always sick while traveling, and I defended myself. This is better.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>- - - - - - -</i><br />
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<i><a href="http://bertc.com/hamcat.htm" target="_blank">...Who would spaniels fear,<br /> Or strays trespassing from a neighbor's yard,<br /> But that the dread of our unheeded cries<br /> And scratches at a barricaded door<br /> No claw can open up, dispels our nerve<br /> And makes us rather bear our humans' faults<br /> Than run away to unguessed miseries?<br /> Thus caution doth make house cats of us all....</a></i><br />
~Henry Beard (uncertain), "Hamlet's Cat's Soliloquy"<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/19112945@N00/194754222/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="beach girl"><img alt="" height="320" src="http://static.flickr.com/74/194754222_c7fe95a8c8_b.jpg" style="border: 2px solid rgb(0, 0, 0);" width="240" /></a> <br />
Summer is no time for a worrier and mom. Knees are skinned, eyes are blackened, skin is rashed and burned, sweet ears are filled with trapped pool water. In summer, mothers lose their boys—mostly boys, daredevils—to riptides and high cliffs at forbidden swimming holes, their girls to cars racing down the quiet street; lose their children to strangers who pluck them off a corner, lose them to their fathers.<br />
<br />
Forget the pair of great egrets fishing in the river, the snapping turtles mating under the bridge, bobbing in the hydraulic. Never mind the whole world come alive with chirps and clicks and calls, whoosh of sprinkler, bounce of diving board, roar of mower—sounds so comforting they could lull grown insomniacs to sleep with the promise of their parents’ protection from everything evil in the world.<br />
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Summer is my season of unguessed miseries. <br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/19112945@N00/194913161/" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" title="fun city"><img alt="" src="http://static.flickr.com/75/194913161_9fa3aacf60_b.jpg" style="border: 2px solid rgb(0, 0, 0);" width="300" /></a> <br />
I used to be a competent traveler. By no means was I the kind of girl who wanted to veer off the beaten path, head out on a dirt road in Mexico in a rickety ride with a Spanish map, meander the Escalante wilderness for a week with only what I could carry on my back. Still, I am a good hiker, and I like to mingle with the locals, get a more authentic travel experience than the typical tour-bus tourist. But I need the stability offered by a nearby pre-pitched tent, a toilet with walls and a ceiling to help keep the flies out, a base camp with a four-wheeled, gas-fed sentry beside a wood post with a number. "Please send help to number 28," I could say into the cell phone I use for emergencies.<br />
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A few years ago, while camping in just such a place with friends at Cunningham Falls State Park, we heard loud voices in the night—a big fight at a site not too far from ours. It came and went quickly, ending with a loud pop and squealing tires. In the morning, we found a bloody t-shirt draped over the sign. <i>Please send police to number 28.</i> <br />
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I don’t travel well now. When my daughter was born, I began sleeping less and worrying more. My first couple of vacations without her found me panicked about dying on a flight to my camping vacation in Utah, dying in a fall from a high cliff in Zion, dying from an axe murderer in the woods at Dixie National Forest. I worried a little about my daughter, too—being away from me, getting inferior care from my parents—who knew nothing about raising a girl, after all. Mostly I concentrated my fears on my own early death, worried that I’d never see my daughter again.<br />
<br />
But my husband wants to show her the world, with or without me. He prefers <i>without</i>. He and my daughter first flew out to Utah two summers ago, rented a PT Cruiser, and bounced from park to park for two weeks while I worried, of course, that she’d fall from great heights; that a bad driver would crash into them; that she’d be sitting in the front seat of a vehicle with an airbag (or without one; it hardly matters); that my husband would go to the bathroom, and a stranger would snatch her from a seat in Springdale’s Bit and Spur restaurant.<br />
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These are only the <i>guessed</i> miseries, and they are horrid.<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/19112945@N00/24336987/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="angel landing"><img alt="" src="http://static.flickr.com/21/24336987_e8299ac7bd_b.jpg" style="border: 2px solid rgb(0, 0, 0);" width="250" /></a> <br />
Last year, I decided it would be worse to sit at home and wonder than it would to join them, sleep or no sleep. And so my daughter and I flew to Vegas and then took a bus to St. George, not too far from Zion, Utah. The first thing I told my husband, who had driven an hour or two to pick us up, was that he smelled bad, and that set the tone for the rest of the trip. Traveling with my family, which I have done in past years (we have taken camping trips to New Hampshire’s White Mountains and New York's Finger Lakes, with success), was not such fun this time. My daughter didn’t want to hike and complained a lot about the heat. My husband was already disappointed with me. I took sleeping pills every night, got a wicked sunburn at Lake Powell, then lost my mind at the grocery store, when my daughter disappeared from my side; I ran up and down the length of the store, screaming her name, then yelled to anyone who would listen that my daughter had been stolen. When I found her, I felt mortified and said an awful thing that I have blocked from my memory.<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/19112945@N00/194908489/" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" title="marty's play land"><img alt="" src="http://static.flickr.com/78/194908489_b217365ce6_b.jpg" style="border: 2px solid rgb(0, 0, 0);" width="300" /></a> <br />
This summer, my husband and daughter have been planning another trip without me—filled, I’m certain, with all kinds of unguessed miseries—to California, by Ford truck. It’s a long drive, over 3,000 miles, and so they’d need to be gone at least a month to make it worth their trouble and keep them from spending half of the time in the truck. I have dreaded it for every moment since just before the summer began (though their departure date seems to change with each passing hour).<br />
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It’s all my daughter has talked about for months—going to California to see the redwoods (and having her own spending money—a bill in each denomination from one to one hundred). My husband has told her the redwoods are something special, so big you can fit a restaurant in one. He has talked it up, made it this thing between them that I cannot penetrate, try though I may with a weeklong trip to the ocean to do her favorite things like ride the Wild Mouse, play mini-golf, collect seashells. The <i>other</i> trip, the <i>great</i> trip, still looms in the background, with it’s big, left-coast promises, my daughter’s personal Gold Rush. <i>And when I get home, I am going to California to see the giant redwoods, and I will have $188 to spend, so I can buy you a shirt.</i><br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/19112945@N00/194913163/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="wild mouse"><img alt="" src="http://static.flickr.com/67/194913163_44433ad9b5_b.jpg" style="border: 2px solid rgb(0, 0, 0);" width="290" /></a> <br />
It’s possible they won’t go to California; heaven knows I have wished for it, as if a trip North, instead of West, were safer. Certainly it is less threatening than a whitewater gorge, echoic red rock canyons, and peaks that can only comfortably hold only one of those angels perched atop the head of a pin. And maybe I will have a shot at being the hero of my daughter’s summer with a trip to the mundane shore, which included a hot fudge sundae crepe for breakfast, a box of <a href="http://jellybelly.com/Cultures/en-US/Fun/Flavor+Guides/Bertie+Botts+Flavor+Guide.htm" target="_blank">Bertie Bott’s Every Flavored Beans</a>*, and a box of three of <a href="http://www.comicsclub.com/tragictoys.html" target="_blank">Tim Burton Tragic Toys for Girls and Boys</a>.<br />
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My great wish is to be normal, myself again, less afraid of airplanes and highways, cliffs and snakes, to worry less about where and how I will sleep and for how long, to travel with my soul mate and my heart and even my own soul like I did when my husband first took me out west in 1985, when I could still view the world with wonder, when driving cross country for a month—just the two of us in a Ford Escort wagon with no AC—was luxurious, and when his company was all the company I needed.<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos//19112945@N00/194754221/" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" title="crash"><img alt="" src="http://static.flickr.com/74/194754221_19a3afb3c3_b.jpg" style="border: 2px solid rgb(0, 0, 0);" width="290" /></a> <br />
I have spent most of this summer tapping my foot and nervously waiting to hear their travel plans. My stomach sinks when I see the road atlas spread like a blanket over the kitchen table. The camping gear taunts me with its slightly ajar top. When they go, I will bite my nails and pray for summer to rush out like the undertow and the start of school to rush the Atlantic shore. Because when summer is over, when my daughter once again spends her days in the school where her father works, my biggest worries will be how she does on the spelling test and whether she is eating, from someone else’s lunch, a snack item that contains high-fructose corn syrup. I will wonder, too, who might kiss her in the coat room or call her names at recess or give her strep throat.<br />
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But all the unguessed miseries of fall, winter, and spring combined are no match for even the guessed miseries of summer.<br />
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· · · · · · · · · ·<br />
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*Yes, the disgusting flavors do, really, taste like their namesakes; I tried both Dirt and Sardine, much to my shock and horror.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-11522242558580735632013-03-22T17:54:00.002-04:002013-03-23T10:54:28.094-04:00you move me.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhytJRwX93ey-xAoIS5DvVWqaA69I3MsUZtKCnia52z__GapZsoWp71_o2UX1WhT1rL2yTdgJP53FCVS19cpxQ3qwYBshEIFHGkhgF5YYKmAh8UMG4HoS3He75fujGIEVSRAsWttI8kh1A/s1600/my+tree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhytJRwX93ey-xAoIS5DvVWqaA69I3MsUZtKCnia52z__GapZsoWp71_o2UX1WhT1rL2yTdgJP53FCVS19cpxQ3qwYBshEIFHGkhgF5YYKmAh8UMG4HoS3He75fujGIEVSRAsWttI8kh1A/s400/my+tree.jpg" width="342" /></a></div>
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I loved a tree.
Correction: I <i>love</i> the tree, though it's been dead a
long time. And despite the fact that it was chopped down today, its logs hauled away, I will continue to love it.</div>
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I met the swamp white oak, which I called "my tree," "favorite tree," and "swamp thing"—at Herring Run Park in the early
nineties, when Marty and I started walking our dog, Beowulf, there. Cleopatra soon came
along, and their baby, Buddha, joined the tribe. Jett and Chance have sniffed around that tree, too. It's a tradition with the park dogs.</div>
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I took my baby
there. Just before Serena's third birthday, after 9/11, we were playing at the tree—running
around it, talking, sitting. My
daughter was imitating Diane Rehm, whose show was nearly always on in our car,
especially during the crisis of fear. She picked up a stick and spoke into it: "Mr.
Terrorist," she said in a gravelly voice, "Do you use a credit card or
take your lunch?"</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM0lv6qzUVWeqwFDL3O3DsKtJS1h1AJMZLi4VEuTl9LYSuOWjjlpRC0JaYGPsbIz48NOSJ0rYTXVbxY-G_uVUWc_pdCmlnzhxp4jC7Jvk112xC6oX2_R3Ebqr_-w4BxwfRUw5qwABlsHM/s1600/336621402_d6d40744f4_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM0lv6qzUVWeqwFDL3O3DsKtJS1h1AJMZLi4VEuTl9LYSuOWjjlpRC0JaYGPsbIz48NOSJ0rYTXVbxY-G_uVUWc_pdCmlnzhxp4jC7Jvk112xC6oX2_R3Ebqr_-w4BxwfRUw5qwABlsHM/s320/336621402_d6d40744f4_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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For a few springs in a row, an oriole built her nest in the old swamp oak;
you could see it hanging precariously, seeming to dangle from a limb like a
softball on a string. We kept
looking for that nest long long after the oriole song had abandoned the park for
good. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The tree was the cover of my homemade
chapbook—<i>croetry</i>, which contained all my poems about birds. I watched the tree fill with crows. I watched owls and vultures and hawks
land there.<br />
<br /></div>
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I used to run at the park, and I took my camera there
regularly, shooting that tree almost every time. I have thousands of pictures of it on my storage
drives. In my Flickr set, <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/dogfaceboy/sets/72157633060107419/" target="_blank">my favorite tree: RIP</a>, I have just 38 photos. All these years I thought I was posting too many pictures of that tree, and I didn't post nearly enough. </div>
<br />
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</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqQaWGOyqquGp2hGvUD2bWdbzsc4_NTM_0s-etOnx-WSkLVrQn4u5eMvWM4tebWXrB2-Hfqbi82l3cCPG909o4qzMMTbpgB5TOFmK_IYGT8BGXFUzealMQOPPdvD3-Sx4N1hHZFgH9MJs/s1600/poetryee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqQaWGOyqquGp2hGvUD2bWdbzsc4_NTM_0s-etOnx-WSkLVrQn4u5eMvWM4tebWXrB2-Hfqbi82l3cCPG909o4qzMMTbpgB5TOFmK_IYGT8BGXFUzealMQOPPdvD3-Sx4N1hHZFgH9MJs/s320/poetryee.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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After my back surgery, I didn't visit it as much as I used to. And a few years ago, some stupid, bored, hateful human, set a porta-potty on fire underneath it and killed my tree. When I saw the damage too much later, I broke down and cried. Red and white warning
signs cropped up around it, and threats were made regarding its removal, but
after a few years, I figured it wouldn't happen. The City only cares for a park when caring is in the budget.<br />
<br />
The email came today, though, announcing the deed. And it is done. Marty visited the spot today, but I don't know if I am prepared to face its absence. <br />
<br />
This tree has been my only god. I have told it my secrets. I have asked for its guidance. I have loved it as much as any person could have loved a tree.<br />
<br />
RIP, Swamp Thing. You made my heart sing. You made so many things groovy.</div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizwhP9BDLVNN6OcmJSblw6Ince4l6UMN0Kp5a4hdSLNfv5_b-RAxWBt8IBPXJzMG38dTxyT_VFDYTkucq14BS5Nh0OhhymGUloHppn2cVNKSnLcg_VW7qTO62tGjFwE5a6usB6LAGf_T0/s1600/preschool.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizwhP9BDLVNN6OcmJSblw6Ince4l6UMN0Kp5a4hdSLNfv5_b-RAxWBt8IBPXJzMG38dTxyT_VFDYTkucq14BS5Nh0OhhymGUloHppn2cVNKSnLcg_VW7qTO62tGjFwE5a6usB6LAGf_T0/s320/preschool.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When my daughter,
Serena, graduated from our neighborhood Christian preschool, I was less
relieved that she was kindergarten material than I was that the number of
holiday recitals would dwindle. I had
attended three years of performances by the adorable singing children. Thirty-six-inch-tall people cannot help but look cute
dressed as American flags or ears of corn, making charming hand movements
and touching themselves unabashedly when they have an itch. But I was gritting my teeth behind my smiling
lips. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On the makeshift preschool stage for
three of her formative years, my daughter sang cheerful songs of Christian
tragedy, many having to do with the crucifixion. To the tune of “Bingo”: “There
was a man from Galilee / and Jesus was his name-o / J-e-s-u-s....” To the tune
of “Sugar”: “Jesus in the morning / Jesus in the evening / Jesus at
suppertime.” To the tune of “Deck the
Halls”: “Jesus hanging on the cross / fa la la—.” OK, I exaggerate, but only a
little.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Truth is: I’m one of those people
for whom Jesus is just all right. And I knew Easter was around the corner,
which meant "Jesus had a little lamb" for weeks to come. On our way to Passover Seder, Serena would
sit in the back of the car and rock herself to other goofy Jesus songs, and I
would feel guilty for not teaching her any of the goofy Jewish songs—and then
I'd feel guiltier because I don't <i>know</i>
any of the goofy Jewish songs—except the one about the <i>dreidel</i>, and I never understood why you’d make one out of clay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So when Serena graduated and moved
to the Catholic school, where her father was the social studies teacher, I
thought we’d be spared the altered tunes. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
week before spring break, after the first grade had been bombarded with Easter
lessons, Serena sang, “Jesus loves me / yes I know,” in the car on the way home
from school. Every day. I began thinking about Purim services almost as a
threat rather than a spiritual remedy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then, the day before Purim, my
daughter said, “Mommy? Do you know who I
miss?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“No, sweetie,” said innocent Mommy.
“Whom do you miss?” (I said whom.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“I miss J-e-s-u-s,” she said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“That's it! We're going to
Purim!” I said it as if she were
punished, as if I were punished right along with her, as if this were
not-so-gladly the cross-eyed bear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi36_i77xTMYFOMdz-nGQ0MrZwdA6Enu154GdG4_HHoKimXUvsObSzFytnee-OD63q7XzKtkoxpL1UX15SYRG4ajCbhJTu-uUEXJJCortwAwkUAbEbLAtCwTdjLIXafYd71cQVQOqCCo5o/s1600/synagogue.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi36_i77xTMYFOMdz-nGQ0MrZwdA6Enu154GdG4_HHoKimXUvsObSzFytnee-OD63q7XzKtkoxpL1UX15SYRG4ajCbhJTu-uUEXJJCortwAwkUAbEbLAtCwTdjLIXafYd71cQVQOqCCo5o/s400/synagogue.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When we got home from school, I
logged on to <a href="http://www.judaism101/">www.judaism101</a>, my religious
cheat sheet. I was relieved to have
remembered the gist of it: Queen Esther is the hero who married King Ahasuerus
without revealing that she was Jewish.
Haman, the King’s advisor (the Karl Rove of the Old Testament), was
angry with Esther’s cousin, Mordecai, for not bowing down to him, so he devised
a plan to exterminate the Jews. In a
plot twist that ought to have been made into a movie (but <i>not</i> a musical!), Esther saves her race, and Haman is hanged on the
gallows meant for Mordecai. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The story in no way excited Serena,
who’d been alive for seven years and had never even seen the <i>outside</i> of a synagogue. She didn’t want
to go, of course, because who does? Not I, but then again, <i>I</i> never threatened my mother with a personal relationship with
Jesus.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So the next night, I drove us to a
strange shul out in the county—where Jewish people live. Serena perked up when
she saw the swarm of children dressed for Purim: lots of tiny Queen Esthers
(Cinderellas pushing the envelope), lots of pee-wee King Ahasueruses with faux
facial hair, and a couple of miniature Hamans. “Next year, can I dress up?” she
asked. We were off to a good start.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4vYFsEGNx-VTvrgVpZm8qnV9sir_2bT-0f61jPVItaIrioDpKJG8oIcX83B-eI21nn-tUGqtUtCIXwkXwcl8hgYep-sKkGOzFgSN3Y7T7PobWow47DglWIqVxRCFL1KnlysbTpZAuHhQ/s1600/grager.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4vYFsEGNx-VTvrgVpZm8qnV9sir_2bT-0f61jPVItaIrioDpKJG8oIcX83B-eI21nn-tUGqtUtCIXwkXwcl8hgYep-sKkGOzFgSN3Y7T7PobWow47DglWIqVxRCFL1KnlysbTpZAuHhQ/s320/grager.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The ceremony was short and sweet and
mostly in Hebrew. Once everything in the room, the world, and the
universe—including fruit, wine, bosses, and armadillos—was blessed, we each
grabbed a grager (noisemaker) for the story of <a href="http://www.holidays.net/purim/"><span style="color: black; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Purim</span></a>. Every time Haman's name is
mentioned, the congregation spins the gragers and heckles him. This was the
best part.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When the Purim service ended,
instead of the assembled dispersing for the usual sweet treat of <a href="http://www.amfi.org/hamantashen.htm"><span style="color: black; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Hamantashen</span></a>
(the triangular, poppy-seed-filled cookies also known as Haman’s hats), dozens
of costumed adults and teens rushed the stage behind the Rabbi. In moments, piano music played, and
those assembled on the stage began, to the tune of “All That Jazz”: “All That <i>Spiel</i>.” I looked at my program in stunned silence. Sure enough, every song—<i>every song!</i>—from the musical “All That Jazz” had been rewritten to
fit the story of Purim. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For fifteen minutes, I squirmed and
wriggled, tortured by doggerel and ready to crane toward the sky and howl like
a dog at a siren. “Do you have to pee,
Mommy?” my daughter asked me. Yes! And
then we escaped. Across the hall, I
spied a huge platter of Hamantashen, did a cursory scan of the area, and ran in
like a bandit to snag my daughter a cherry cookie. She had blessed. She had
stood. She had sat. She had stood and sat and stood and sat. As far as I was concerned, she had earned her
right to do what Jews do best: eat. Without
having to suffer through a musical.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I realized then, much to my
relief—for I am a good person, really—that it wasn't Jesus at all that gave me
fits. Sure, I prefer Judaism’s teachings
and traditions—especially the fun ones, like this booing and hissing thing at
Purim and the presents for eight nights at Chanukah and the food. But I was relieved to know I wasn’t
anti-Christ; I was simply against the lyrics and the score. I hate <i>musicals</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Friends who can’t bring
themselves to believe this—as if I claim the ability to breathe under
water—will quiz me to find the exceptions.
“What about<i>—</i>?” they’ll ask,
with an “Aha!” prepared for when I am forced to admit that I do enjoy <i>The Wizard of Oz</i> and have even sung the
Scarecrow’s song when I am whiling away the hours in search of my brain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The genre is
creepy. On stage are raggedy souls,
victims of plague, prostitutes. And they
are singing! Instead of a last
cigarette, dying characters get a finale.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4VGwXAYCiqPAJgCo40Vd0W9tlB8bRcTTuSS7ccE4HYkgSMmY52rE0g_FtCjBQIrJ2GFWAJlTJK5NtXRItYCniJ369-nl_vdaB1ok6syk7sLqgkQsNtFtC2_odgMiZbTI3rIAR2AuzTZc/s1600/passover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4VGwXAYCiqPAJgCo40Vd0W9tlB8bRcTTuSS7ccE4HYkgSMmY52rE0g_FtCjBQIrJ2GFWAJlTJK5NtXRItYCniJ369-nl_vdaB1ok6syk7sLqgkQsNtFtC2_odgMiZbTI3rIAR2AuzTZc/s320/passover.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Purim is the gateway drug to
Passover. It’s a sacred time, but, like
many other religious observances around the world, it’s kind of like a musical!
We have the script—<i>The Hagaddah</i>—with lines
to be read by the leader, the participant, and the assembled; we have the
choreography: “all rise,” “be seated,”
“raise cups”; and we have the songs:
“Dayanu.” My family sings only
the chorus, and we sing it as if our ship were sinking: “Day-day-anu,
day-day-anu, day-day-anu, dayanu dayanu, HEY!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But that year—the year that I’d
sworn off songs about Jesus and Esther, my uncle brought us a song he’d written
to finish off the service: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 63.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Cleaning and cooking and so many
dishes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 63.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Out with the hametz, no pasta, no
knishes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 63.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Fish that's gefillted, horseradish
that stings<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 63.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 1.0in 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These are a few of our Passover
things. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 63.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 1.0in 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 63.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 1.0in 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Matzoh and karpas and chopped up
haroset<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 63.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 1.0in 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Shankbones and kiddish and yiddish
neuroses<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 63.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 1.0in 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Tante who kvetches and uncle who
sings<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 63.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 1.0in 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These are a few of our Passover
things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 63.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 1.0in 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN4YpGa83Vzz8J8GNKowB97t553vRXQRVaWR575r56xEMzHAIw0pR-VKKFok0fWOmvbvnj_t5FdODWz1frUOYlG-ShZ03PCMO3kfcM-DOKe7-7b5AiQGflXBX-5ZpVboOCjjk0isdeEho/s1600/saxophone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN4YpGa83Vzz8J8GNKowB97t553vRXQRVaWR575r56xEMzHAIw0pR-VKKFok0fWOmvbvnj_t5FdODWz1frUOYlG-ShZ03PCMO3kfcM-DOKe7-7b5AiQGflXBX-5ZpVboOCjjk0isdeEho/s400/saxophone.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What’s next? To the tune of “Maria”: “Elijah / I just saw
the prophet Elijah”? What about “Take
me out to the Seder / Take me out with the crowd / Feed me on matzoh and
chicken legs / I don’t care for the hard-boiled eggs.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s been a long time since that
Passover. My daughter has become a bat mitzvah and graduated from Catholic
school (today’s Jewish dilemma is not free ham; it’s free Catholic school). She’s now in a public high school for the
arts where she plays classical, jazz, and big band saxophone. My cousins have moved away, and both my uncle
and my father have died. The last straw?
I’m fifty. Fifty! I turn my back for a second, and family members
are dispersed and deceased, my only child practically an adult. Oh, what a tragedy! I feel wretched.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Cue the music.</span><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-35366317258992508762013-01-18T10:32:00.005-05:002013-01-18T11:13:33.960-05:003. enjoy beer.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUqMAk_WqRwhEixz2OKBZVgV0bwFVQ7kt6aZOtx2O7-TsYFCkQ9ypynC9JAogxeY4pPx-BSp1_SuOO3jn9tGXbKyCSn0aWUR8Ns6j5kQc2oJ2h9kSP70k2aV96XknQF4jcgA0xGlLsisM/s1600/beer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUqMAk_WqRwhEixz2OKBZVgV0bwFVQ7kt6aZOtx2O7-TsYFCkQ9ypynC9JAogxeY4pPx-BSp1_SuOO3jn9tGXbKyCSn0aWUR8Ns6j5kQc2oJ2h9kSP70k2aV96XknQF4jcgA0xGlLsisM/s320/beer.jpg" width="320" /></a>Were I a writer of odes, I’d dedicate a book of them to my
beverage of choice. O, the bitter bite of
hops, the sting of bubbles on my tongue, the heady scent of yeast that fills
the head with a nostalgia for a life not even lived—full of knights and castles
and beer goddesses with trays (and corsets) overflowing with nectar and big
tables of heavy wooden planks, a visual and aromatic palimpsest of rings of
ales sweated down the stein and spilt from the tankard! And laughter.
(“Does anybody remember laughter?”)</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ahem. It’s been 18
days since I’ve drunk a beer. I embarked on this endeavor to eliminate mother’s
hoppy helper because I wanted to deflate my beer belly, and I was certain this,
along with a sugar ban, would work. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5fgg_j3B_2Z38gtaiTac-BmY4p-HDlOA1TCwa56hSDDeOir9dzmRcsycy1kblzY1fgoujMlrbZUMNOCaGQztqzO3zK6CeIDsfV3wFsRnWtp92F_fWgHjTDh8hhvsnIc97pUQF6MsRX6o/s1600/vodka+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5fgg_j3B_2Z38gtaiTac-BmY4p-HDlOA1TCwa56hSDDeOir9dzmRcsycy1kblzY1fgoujMlrbZUMNOCaGQztqzO3zK6CeIDsfV3wFsRnWtp92F_fWgHjTDh8hhvsnIc97pUQF6MsRX6o/s320/vodka+3.jpg" width="213" /></a>My company’s diet plan recommends you make goals that are
SMART—that is Specific, Measurable,
Achievable, Realistic, and Time-based.
Specific: I gave up beer and sugar—mostly for weight loss. Measureable: My clothes should fit better; I
can count the beers I <i>don’t</i> drink. Achievable: I can go a month without beer and
sugar. Realistic: People don’t <i>have</i> to drink beer or eat sugar. Time-based: What the hell—it’s a month.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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But does this make my goal <i>smart</i>? <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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In the eighteen nights, the more than 400 beerless hours, I
have lost <i>at least</i> 216 ounces—13.5 pounds. Of beer.
My body, on the other hand, empty of sugar and wheat, deprived of beer,
has lost not a<i> sip</i> of weight.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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And I am sad—perhaps sadder than I’ve ever been. And it’s not the alcohol. I’ve had a couple shots of frozen cake
vodka. Not beer. I’ve had some gin and diet tonic. Also not beer. <i>Could</i> I go a month without
it? <i>Yes.</i> I could go a month without playing my guitar
or taking a picture. But why <i>would</i> I? Why <i>should</i> I?</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiex8YXrzOG-aQ9hGPbevZy3Z1D3DLkaxVH6ukdtT7KRy4NHgVWr9Smt_MZz7QGUtvE7NxBz9FHHpGVtMURyGVqtRLvxBsrhGdw1ncz8rYz0Sb3y_WT6X6QMb0Jq75U-1sGFECY-bTvBDw/s1600/cherry+stem.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiex8YXrzOG-aQ9hGPbevZy3Z1D3DLkaxVH6ukdtT7KRy4NHgVWr9Smt_MZz7QGUtvE7NxBz9FHHpGVtMURyGVqtRLvxBsrhGdw1ncz8rYz0Sb3y_WT6X6QMb0Jq75U-1sGFECY-bTvBDw/s320/cherry+stem.jpg" width="320" /></a>My husband would argue that I <i>should</i> because it's good discipline. He once stopped drinking beer for a <i>year</i>. The following year, he gave up ice cream. To what end? Some people climb mountains because mountains are there. Others climb them to get to the top and experience the breathtaking view. That's me. I want the cherry on top. (Not only because I enjoy tying the stem in a knot with my tongue and teeth.)</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Every day, just like most other people I know—happy or
unhappy—I go to work. I have a long
commute and a nine-hour day. It’s dark
when I wake up, and it’s dark when I get home.
And life, as the death of my 75-year-old father proved, is just too
short. In half of the time I’ve already
lived, I’ll be his age. Twenty-five
years. That’s 9,125 beers. Of course, I don’t have to drink one every
day. But unless my physical and
emotional health and those of my family and friends are impinged by my 12-ounce
golden-brown liquid in my special snifter, the goal to go even another day
without a can of joy, a bottle of pleasure, is stupid.<br />
<br />
Why live without the things that bring delight to your life and cause others no
displeasure? Put a beer in my hand, and
a smile will light up my face. And you
will be happier, too. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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So tonight, all ale (well, one) will break loose. In the words of a band whose very name is
something I’d banned this month: “Stick
around for joy.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-51925898338081588182013-01-04T15:51:00.000-05:002013-01-04T17:12:12.412-05:002. call bullshit<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2XgU7VX4sB1TYfhGkQgVJ5IFy83KCxtRNUyxFfehP8zWjtev2aSNDBY5rdXggwr-CQcKmWkWugbspInj-zCsnTFP4jzXCAXMH7ICUHR85iOiXAhWy_a2ePo3HPAMdnVgHGjqkLxVHnnI/s1600/bullshit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2XgU7VX4sB1TYfhGkQgVJ5IFy83KCxtRNUyxFfehP8zWjtev2aSNDBY5rdXggwr-CQcKmWkWugbspInj-zCsnTFP4jzXCAXMH7ICUHR85iOiXAhWy_a2ePo3HPAMdnVgHGjqkLxVHnnI/s320/bullshit.jpg" width="255" /></a></div>
I call bullshit where I see it, and I’m not going to stop,
despite the letters from a motivational speaker disguised as The Universe,
despite Internet memes that spread like a plague of Airwick flowers, despite those who let go and let karma, and despite
the conscious breathing I’m doing in the new year. Bullshit needs its callers.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Every day, someone I like passes on one of those misattributed stories or partial truths or total hoaxes. Once, when I Snopes’d someone (yes, I just verbed a proper noun—is that bullshit?),
she wanted to know who made me the Internet police. Ouch. But take the five seconds to enter that thing you’re sharing into a
search engine to check the veracity, or the bullshit callers will be on you like flies. It's not <i>just</i> a lie, and it does more than stink. If you don’t believe me, try becoming the
victim of a rumor or admiring the emperor’s threads in front of people who know
he’s naked. Smart people. People you want to impress.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This photo is making the rounds (complete with extra comma and comma splice):</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmIemWHh9UI3cIMfHN1mNd9p6xV1t8_Za4dNW7Yw8EiXp6i3WMujY9ehxtofEqszLDzMdAynjQvg1JN5cV4bmJc3UP6fZJ77ZJ1GI8PMToBHkR9BCjtQGAaj9qJ2AcQxtEnYQoUfBKI5o/s1600/there+comes+a+time.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmIemWHh9UI3cIMfHN1mNd9p6xV1t8_Za4dNW7Yw8EiXp6i3WMujY9ehxtofEqszLDzMdAynjQvg1JN5cV4bmJc3UP6fZJ77ZJ1GI8PMToBHkR9BCjtQGAaj9qJ2AcQxtEnYQoUfBKI5o/s320/there+comes+a+time.jpg" width="320" /></a>It’s tough to argue with the good advice that warns us away
from the drama of others and steers us toward people who love us. So by all means: weed out the folks you don't need in your life. A regular weeding
is good for the friend garden. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7EqcllgVjldJ2ChHZ0aAAOJPzVwOQeR80R_t7hm7T5xbqZWHrV8OMgOzji2Emi83pBoW6nUij1NLngFJXVr_EbCGOVia0qAHVIcVD53-VYZGhbZ-HxwJVDg2hIC7I3bLBWY-x5AyZ5s0/s1600/asterisk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7EqcllgVjldJ2ChHZ0aAAOJPzVwOQeR80R_t7hm7T5xbqZWHrV8OMgOzji2Emi83pBoW6nUij1NLngFJXVr_EbCGOVia0qAHVIcVD53-VYZGhbZ-HxwJVDg2hIC7I3bLBWY-x5AyZ5s0/s320/asterisk.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">drawing by Kurt Vonnegut</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But if your friend is an <i>asshole</i>, please
supply a swift verbal kicking before you pluck him. Because a prayer only sends that asshole out
to leave his bullshit in a bag at someone else’s front door.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It may surprise you to learn that even assholes have
feelings. In fact, all but the sociopaths and narcissists among us really don’t want to be thought of as assholes; some don’t even know
their behavior is asshole-ish. But it’s not enough to tell someone his behavior sucks if you continue to
reward him with the pleasure of your company or an action that says it doesn’t
really matter to you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“You know, you come over and eat all my
food and drink all my beer, and you never contribute anything.”</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<o:p> </o:p> Sorry.</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<o:p> </o:p>“That’s OK. Can I
pour you a beer?”</blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Will your complaint and its consequences precipitate a
change in your friend? Depending on the friend, probably—but at least <i>possibly</i>. And if it
isn’t worth the effort to save the friendship (some relationships aren’t
healthy for a host of reasons), at least send a mean person off with a performance review. Praying for a meanie doesn’t heal the meanie <i>or</i> your heart, and it doesn’t make you a better
person. What does? The favor of telling him <i>why</i> it
didn’t work out. After all, when you get
fired from your job, don’t you want to know how to prevent the same fate with the next one?<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, life <i>is</i> too short to surround yourself
with assholes (regardless of the validity of having happiness as a goal). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last year, my motto was <i>ask for what you
want</i>. I still live by that,
and it works. I don’t mean you always
get it; I mean you learn to stop wishing in silence and act toward a goal. If you don’t get what you want or need, you
move on—sometimes just to a slightly altered goal or a step closer to it or to a
workable compromise. <br />
<br />
Asking for what you want works with friendships, too. If your friend is an asshole, it might be
simply that you didn’t ask him to stop being one, which is like asking him to <i>continue</i> being one.<br />
<br />
Here’s a second message co-opted from the Book of Face.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTmYICfXGfG5irACvQ-d1HFTTPU7qgbC_pejII-GGGFzyQGCp-LGvx8537DIuEirPaMikDcHtscx7aobfZiBCrdkXfC3A1ul55Zdrl6OpvCZGftJRz_T3FIAzeECx0oxijoHks5bdkVLw/s1600/what+you+allow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="121" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTmYICfXGfG5irACvQ-d1HFTTPU7qgbC_pejII-GGGFzyQGCp-LGvx8537DIuEirPaMikDcHtscx7aobfZiBCrdkXfC3A1ul55Zdrl6OpvCZGftJRz_T3FIAzeECx0oxijoHks5bdkVLw/s320/what+you+allow.jpg" width="320" /></a>I had a friend who let everyone borrow money, and no one
ever repaid her. When they needed more,
she reminded them, gently, about their prior debts, then she forked over more cash. She
asked me why so many people took advantage of her, and I said: Because you
<i>let</i> them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those people who create drama in your lives create it
because you <i>let</i> them, and simply cutting them loose might
not help you. (It sure doesn’t help the
rest of us!)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In truth, <i>most </i>people are damaged. If we love them, we help them mend the cracks
as best we can, and they help us mend ours.
But people who don’t treat us right don’t need our prayers. They need a bullshit caller. And maybe so do we.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglvWU5RbXCsW8ThWLaDWax0gl2i7RJU8EUjLhJdzhvbD7CwjLwqYIuNqiHcI9gjHb8lXLk1rDozbbgBhsC0po3IAeTBMwErwsYtI5CMQon3L23fpGfhoqUBb9yNszRl4lASW0R4U9u3TU/s1600/january.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglvWU5RbXCsW8ThWLaDWax0gl2i7RJU8EUjLhJdzhvbD7CwjLwqYIuNqiHcI9gjHb8lXLk1rDozbbgBhsC0po3IAeTBMwErwsYtI5CMQon3L23fpGfhoqUBb9yNszRl4lASW0R4U9u3TU/s320/january.jpg" width="211" /></a>The nail
that holds my kitchen calendar is in the side of a bookcase, and it's pretty
tight despite the hundred times we lean on the pages hanging from it each
year. So my 2013 calendar goes up
unceremoniously. I don't tap the
nail with a hammer for good measure, a gavel bang to say that it starts right
here, right now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'm a
sunrise person. I like the promise
of a fresh start each day, a way to do good, make amends, create a thing. So Rosh Hashanah and New Year's Day and my birthday are favorite holidays because they are the beginning of something, unfolding like a flower, lush with promise. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
And pressure:
to be better, skinnier, smarter, funner, livelier, fitter, fancier. To be -er right now and every day.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
So at 12:01
a.m., I wished the world joy, pretty hair, and loose pants—with a typo. It was an unintentional-but-deliberate Freudian slip of a
typo. I began my wish with
"My 2013," instead of "May 2013." I cringed a little as I hit Enter anyway. With that, the pressure to be perfect
was off, and I simultaneously declared 2013 my bitch.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4gwtOsQo-ZE7Lu3zHkKE6LOnkvxloVZuFBKE0itfOTSuXvTTY1Lfx5s90yOyurPUGoSYSOlvGJ9D1vDgX1D2eJylW9W4xE_bKbQ4CR0E4ffzA-tZRGBpr5lLANM_Pco7dhEqDwYXvaGA/s1600/status+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4gwtOsQo-ZE7Lu3zHkKE6LOnkvxloVZuFBKE0itfOTSuXvTTY1Lfx5s90yOyurPUGoSYSOlvGJ9D1vDgX1D2eJylW9W4xE_bKbQ4CR0E4ffzA-tZRGBpr5lLANM_Pco7dhEqDwYXvaGA/s320/status+1.jpg" width="320" /></a>This past
week, bloggers have been posting their wisdom about how to handle the coming
year. They've shared aphorisms and
quotes by famous people. They've
given advice on making manageable goals.
They've compiled unconventional resolutions and even non-resolutions. Someone even suggested goals that
have you working out less and eating more carbs. Skinny people suck.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMD-kwiv82aS6pl0JY7pOLgS07CQonoLaqKsK_NYp1nrfgjMB_91pd_Tn7889IfFEGNqhhO4mw5_qVnYQxsEOCG85wMUNEm7xmj6Z6egdFQeaKNdQinTWwlHvbqEml8Un15i8L9G8QDyg/s1600/typo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="121" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMD-kwiv82aS6pl0JY7pOLgS07CQonoLaqKsK_NYp1nrfgjMB_91pd_Tn7889IfFEGNqhhO4mw5_qVnYQxsEOCG85wMUNEm7xmj6Z6egdFQeaKNdQinTWwlHvbqEml8Un15i8L9G8QDyg/s320/typo.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
For 15
years, I have battled severe insomnia.
It began with some early waking and accelerated into a complete
inability to sleep. I was on
anti-anxiety meds, anti-depressants, and sleeping pills, and I still slept only
half the nights. It wasn't until I
gave up sugar that I started sleeping normally again and got off all meds. I went from relying on lots of pills to needing none. Before last night, my last
sleeping pill was in July, while I was crying in a hotel bed during a work
convention after my father died. For the last bunch of years, I mostly need sleeping pills when I travel.<br />
<br />
Last night, though, I was frustrated by the four teenagers awake too late in my attic,
and I succumbed to the little blue pill at 3:00 a.m.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
It ruined
the entire year. Unlucky '13. Right? As day one goes, so goes the year? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I took that
sleeping pill, and I hugged a stuffed monkey until I drifted into
unconsciousness for six blissful hours, missing the first sunrise of the
year.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-ieL7M7aYTbJnD-_HiWvnxu9pag2dH_wuE4HGw3uoHL5aH-iDVO4R7vdBCnpmaxO0_PTun7K23RlpGMyllcJJT0mLdwJN3VVq7_kMqRET5eRcS2kFpMcO4rvReypDjqzD8tHsXcVVNsg/s1600/nye+day+best.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-ieL7M7aYTbJnD-_HiWvnxu9pag2dH_wuE4HGw3uoHL5aH-iDVO4R7vdBCnpmaxO0_PTun7K23RlpGMyllcJJT0mLdwJN3VVq7_kMqRET5eRcS2kFpMcO4rvReypDjqzD8tHsXcVVNsg/s200/nye+day+best.jpg" width="200" /></a>But I saw
the sun set last night, and it was beautiful. And I said goodbye to 2012, the year my husband lost his
job, the year my father died. A
sleeping pill at the end of a very bad year is understandable. But a sleeping pill at the end of a very nice day—one that included a good movie with
my husband, my favorite sushi and beer with my best friend, and cocktails at a
favorite restaurant—just is.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I have
things to do this year—a novel I want to write, some work goals to tackle, some health
improvements to make. But most of the work
is going to have to be done in my mind, the place where everyone's real work gets done, sort of like that Silver Linings
Playbook in the movie.
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu0UW_jLrE9oVjWRnTRaEIjz-oggxhv_IgWY2XoZa-6TdVAfkirCf5ijwo2xCOPfXux1zUL772G-68sOlYNNOeKNb1qNz3PTiDbMgGA_6pw5HKh773tlAZBmVJNw9LNSmlFQh6KWjNyRQ/s1600/breathe+best.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu0UW_jLrE9oVjWRnTRaEIjz-oggxhv_IgWY2XoZa-6TdVAfkirCf5ijwo2xCOPfXux1zUL772G-68sOlYNNOeKNb1qNz3PTiDbMgGA_6pw5HKh773tlAZBmVJNw9LNSmlFQh6KWjNyRQ/s400/breathe+best.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
This morning, the crows greeted me at the back window. My husband rubbed my shoulders. And I'm about to walk down to greet my
friends and neighbors at the annual block party pig roast. The only thing that I absolutely <i>must</i>
do each and every day is breathe. That's tough to do right. Breathing is automatic, but <i>good</i> breathing must be practiced. My own breath catches. I inhale, and then I hold, expelling an inaudible gust of air in a thrust. Breath should flow in and out smoothly. <br />
<br />
I figure if I work on the breathing, the rest of what I need—whether it's sleep or exercise or relaxation or concentration or strength to renew, get fit, rest, write, or just get through life's tragedies, old and new, great and small—will come much easier. <br />
<br />
I have everything I need right here: air, airways, beating heart, and 365 fresh, new days in 2013.</div>
<!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-44330302327019715242012-12-03T22:06:00.002-05:002012-12-03T22:40:47.445-05:00love bedes<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQjUgijxAnXxaxPPv5L8DaQWX_caL5I3gNmPG1cbCuNKP_W7r3MZxdX0t2Q94yJ_PcxXsFtB9q4SatetC-7I70V5F6z_aK3-PGXAfLpvoHosHVuYnnc3LMkO8bkez0FKgZxCgRpntG6O8/s1600/6-26+shiatsu+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQjUgijxAnXxaxPPv5L8DaQWX_caL5I3gNmPG1cbCuNKP_W7r3MZxdX0t2Q94yJ_PcxXsFtB9q4SatetC-7I70V5F6z_aK3-PGXAfLpvoHosHVuYnnc3LMkO8bkez0FKgZxCgRpntG6O8/s320/6-26+shiatsu+2.jpg" width="320" /></a>On the oak bookshelf in Jim Hill’s treatment room—or torture
chamber, if you’re me—sits a stone bust of Quan Yin (Kwan Yin, Kuanyin,
Guanyin), Chinese goddess of mercy.
If you’re me, she’s an ironic figure, considering that my cries during
his weekly shiatsu-acupressure treatments do not temper the intensity of Jim’s
elbow jabs or finger pokes. Then
again, Quan Yin lives in the suffering.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Quan Yin means <i>one who
sees and hears the cry from the human world</i>.<sup>1</sup> She hears prayers and observes sounds. And this is Jim, who, during treatment,
will often stop what he’s doing to fix a pain in me that he can feel within
himself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you’re me, you don’t believe in any of that mumbo jumbo
until it happens to you. And it
happens every week.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I covet that bust.
I want to cover it with shards of pottery. Sometimes, when I’m in the thick of it during a two-hour
treatment, I’ll meditate on Quan Yin, who, until today, I thought was a skinny,
female Buddha. I close my eyes and
breathe and think about her beauty and watchfulness and all the broken teacups
I would glue to the flat bridge of her nose. I think about her mosaic head and about spring. I think about a strand of beads, too.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLeznAkLDxqzurTkufkVFaURW9rW28mLBaOz8xHlLZ6Aubsa6qLUfyotdOb_gyup9HzrBonR48p4tzhnbZx0kU6V8H3NoxhV_VUR0FTFmc_wqE1tPVkSjsltK2gCoZOLPSm6jBirZRL2U/s1600/ladies+in+the+lobby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLeznAkLDxqzurTkufkVFaURW9rW28mLBaOz8xHlLZ6Aubsa6qLUfyotdOb_gyup9HzrBonR48p4tzhnbZx0kU6V8H3NoxhV_VUR0FTFmc_wqE1tPVkSjsltK2gCoZOLPSm6jBirZRL2U/s320/ladies+in+the+lobby.jpg" width="320" /></a>Jim and his wife Karen make jewelry—glass beads and whatever
can be made from them. Some are
Klimt-like, ornamental for ornament’s sake. Juxtapose Jim—he of the comfortable sandals and chokers and
new-age spirit (he even teaches t’ai chi) with glitzy, decadent beads and
flashy, hand-made findings, golden curlicues sprouting from necklaces like
tentacles. <br />
<br />
I first met the Hills at the Out of Hand craft fair at the Knights of Columbus Hall
in Homeland probably 15 years ago.
My mom had bought something from them—it might have had a Klimt painting
as the center medallion—from the ACC Craft Fair. Out of Hand is held each year on the first Sunday in
December, and it’s an annual tradition for me, my mother, and my sister. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_reyjJP_XHIaTNg20rmXLJhdvtaYGZbB6jRhPulqqhB2W4zgxuBkb9r-Uz2_hz_i1YHDmf4od4a7mnR5670HdDtxtaywXvd5prPktmhkzfiPU5k1VL6JYz1PD6jJc-FSOObW07wlO828/s1600/bishop+to+angel+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_reyjJP_XHIaTNg20rmXLJhdvtaYGZbB6jRhPulqqhB2W4zgxuBkb9r-Uz2_hz_i1YHDmf4od4a7mnR5670HdDtxtaywXvd5prPktmhkzfiPU5k1VL6JYz1PD6jJc-FSOObW07wlO828/s320/bishop+to+angel+2.jpg" width="320" /></a>Though it’s a small space with only about 20 vendors, many
of them the same year after year, it’s choice stuff. Potter Elaine Ozol was there most years, with her wonderful
pumpkin pots and moon mugs. I went
to college with her son and always enjoyed catching up. My commercial-art teacher from high
school, Ed Smith, sold his wicked cool clocks before he died. He thought I was a weirdo, but I think
he was weirder, and I loved that about him. Sandy Magsamen is there every year;
she painted a cover of <i>Joe</i>, my coffee
magazine; it's hanging in my kitchen. The year before last, the Masking Tape
Guy was there, and my mom commissioned my favorite present ever—a masking-tape portrait of me surrounded by crows. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaOBFtGyjKhzi8DUZCMr4J0WdZOOolEHE0pO_o3SRwGct_BxnGLVaQOIes1HQllUQuuUD23Vag-mYJJVzkqqR5GxNkbVzwcBEdruyl9hWZGcUUlvQfimXJuTr49bsnIlLvRwe2wyKvBVg/s1600/lily+and+jim.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaOBFtGyjKhzi8DUZCMr4J0WdZOOolEHE0pO_o3SRwGct_BxnGLVaQOIes1HQllUQuuUD23Vag-mYJJVzkqqR5GxNkbVzwcBEdruyl9hWZGcUUlvQfimXJuTr49bsnIlLvRwe2wyKvBVg/s320/lily+and+jim.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
But she couldn’t make it this year; Mom was on Long Island
at a bar mitzvah or something. My
sister was taking her boards so she could give Novocain needles. I took my friend Kim, who’d never
been—and who was a good sport when I made her traipse around the graveyard next door in the foggy cold. When we got there, I checked
in with the button lady on behalf of my mom. She had a knowing look in her eye when she asked if everyone
was OK. I told her that my father
had died, and we both cried a little.
She came out of the booth to hug me and tell me that she is now driving
my uncle’s car after having answered an ad for it on Craigslist.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I bought a pair of earrings from Mary DeMarco, as usual,
ogled some silver jewelry with birds on it, and got a WORD onesie for one of my
dearest friends (who had her baby today!). And then I visited the Hills.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Karen’s jewelry is more my mom’s style. But last year, I fell in love with some
single-strand love bead necklaces.
They were pricey, or I’d have bought one on the spot. I have thought about it all year—always
meant to ask about getting one at a because-I’m-a-weekly-shiatsu-customer
discount. Nearly every visit, I’d
meditate on one of those necklaces, and I’d forget to ask. There they were, still nearly $200
because of all the antique, 100+-year trade beads on them. Maybe after Christmas, I said. I couldn’t justify it right now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I walked around a bit more and poked my head in the food
area. My mom and sister and I
would usually get a snack there—a muffin or a cookie or some savory pie. Those lunches were made by the former
owners of Puffins, a vegetarian restaurant with some of the best food
anywhere. They and the Hills are
best friends. Their daughter was
married to my father’s business partner until recently.</div>
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I introduced Kim to “my shiatsu guy” and Karen, and she went
off to look for gifts. Karen
called me over with an offer. “I
want to trade you,” she said. “One
of these necklaces for one of your calendars.” I laughed.
<i>Ten</i> calendars, she meant. No. She just
wanted a new calendar, like the one I gave them last year. </div>
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I left with the necklace and plans to<i> ritualize</i> it. I dunno—maybe I’ll wave some sage over
it and say a prayer. Jim tells me
that the word for bead and the word for prayer are the same. (So prayer bead is redundant.)</div>
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I had a shiatsu treatment today, instead of my usual
Thursday. I asked Jim if I could
take a picture of the Buddha head, and he finally corrected me: “Actually, she is Quan Yin,
goddess of beauty and mercy.” Maybe he'd told me before, but I was too busy meditating on Buddha.</div>
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I took off my necklace and hung it on her, saying, “Maybe after
they hang here for two hours, they’ll be infused with her mercy. I’ll put the necklace back on, and my
wrinkles will disappear.”</div>
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After the treatment, I put the necklace back on, and I smiled.<br />
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Now if that's not a miracle, I don't know what is.</div>
<!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-55358699897870188222012-11-18T10:25:00.000-05:002016-10-12T16:11:21.902-04:00I'm not not happy. Hope you're not not happy, too.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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“'I’m happy<br />
hope you’re happy, too.<br />
…sordid details following.'”<br />
—David Bowie, “Ashes to Ashes”</blockquote>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtaBwOWEx7EEWXjyWCmqt8joSmfadHYk3yQsqL6u34T6f0LBL6L6cOIrmOVBE3i7JyIqRfSifOywkUGMqIurpUOHlj8Oko1j7GF_xIy4RKVzf0Nz3VTppliLORIo5KPJfcqSOhioxhYv0/s1600/the+suck+of+almost+fifty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtaBwOWEx7EEWXjyWCmqt8joSmfadHYk3yQsqL6u34T6f0LBL6L6cOIrmOVBE3i7JyIqRfSifOywkUGMqIurpUOHlj8Oko1j7GF_xIy4RKVzf0Nz3VTppliLORIo5KPJfcqSOhioxhYv0/s320/the+suck+of+almost+fifty.jpg" width="320" /></a><i>My face is naturally like this.</i> </div>
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At rest, my lips curl slightly downward. Engaged in an activity like talking or kissing or eating, my lips, not too thick or too thin, move. When something is funny or beautiful or delicious, their corners turn upward, and sometimes they draw back their pale mauve curtain to reveal a few off-white teeth. It is not infrequent. But in that split second when you or I take a picture of me, it might be gone.</div>
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No matter where I am or what I’m doing, strangers tell me to smile. I could be in line at the grocery store or walking down the street or at my desk or at the park enjoying a beautiful day, and someone will invariably confront me with his or her demand and, worse, adding fuel to my ire, a rationale for it: “Smile! It can’t be <i>that</i> bad!”</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXaq6P1j53hmgN-CzFBld3dXyljTe94cjsP_O8NAFKz69d9H8lEKlR9-0NPTYGa8MoiM41NIG-scavjdqRJJzcAysv7qbrNhPVNiVf2mVg0kBMY1bGcOx_rcYHE5ehFnxZYg9_3uk68G4/s1600/profile+square+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXaq6P1j53hmgN-CzFBld3dXyljTe94cjsP_O8NAFKz69d9H8lEKlR9-0NPTYGa8MoiM41NIG-scavjdqRJJzcAysv7qbrNhPVNiVf2mVg0kBMY1bGcOx_rcYHE5ehFnxZYg9_3uk68G4/s320/profile+square+2.jpg" width="320" /></a>“Can’t it?” I’d always wanted to say. Instead, I’d alternate between scrunching up my face like a pet monkey to give the people what they wanted or ignoring them. A few years ago, I decided I’d had enough. </div>
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“How do you know my mother didn’t just die?” I said to the stranger in front of me in line at Safeway. My heart was beating out of my chest, as if saying that aloud could make it happen. The man was flustered and apologetic. “Well, she didn’t,” I said, with more admonishment than reassurance. “But how do you know? How can you presume to know what’s happening in a stranger’s life?” He paid and left, threatening to <i>never</i> ask another person to smile.</div>
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Once I got over the superstition hump—that making such a comment would actually make my mother die—it became easier to say to the next person and the next. And as I grew older, I could use real experiences—from the deaths of friends and loved ones to financial woes to back surgery and lymphoma. Still, some smilers are steadfast in their belief that merely waking up at all warrants a shit-eating grin. </div>
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What empowers people to tell pregnant women what to eat and implore non-smilers to smile? </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9w2-K9T8YS_6dz50fxwLxftro5COW6WikXXgV8kvUAcXf3BzFKRx7kexYCZ0mYJkxRwW8VavaenFr_E5-Jbk32TBrNC8rxrMHe2Us4StFo9LRIN-pqBJZQslyqetnFDTtjoBvce2YRwI/s1600/date+night+best.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9w2-K9T8YS_6dz50fxwLxftro5COW6WikXXgV8kvUAcXf3BzFKRx7kexYCZ0mYJkxRwW8VavaenFr_E5-Jbk32TBrNC8rxrMHe2Us4StFo9LRIN-pqBJZQslyqetnFDTtjoBvce2YRwI/s320/date+night+best.jpg" width="213" /></a>My daughter is a non-smiler, too. The other day, she uttered these exact words, the words of my life, to her father: “My face is naturally like this.” She added, “I’m not <i>not</i> smiling. I’m just not smiling!”</div>
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Yesterday, I posted a photograph of my daughter sitting at the piano. She was waiting for her date to arrive and take her to the homecoming dance at his school. She was in a dress, her hair curled, her face clear and beautiful. I took a picture of her—an annoying habit of mine—and posted it as the daily picture in my photo diary on Facebook. A few of the usual suspects were moved to comment on her facial expression—or lack thereof. She was not <i>not</i> smiling. </div>
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But their observation went beyond her face to her spirit. “She looks happy,” someone said sarcastically. Another said, “just needs a smile.” When I replied that we’re not smilers, the friend said, “It’s ok as long as you are happy.”</div>
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But I’m not happy. For a long time, I thought something was wrong with me. I tried to diagnose myself. I believed I had <i><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMHT0024769/" target="_blank">dysthymia</a></i>. I was convinced I needed medication for it until I realized that a.) lack of a consistently <i>high</i> mood doesn’t mean that my mood is <i>low</i> (“I’m not <i>not</i> smiling”) and b.) happiness is <i>not normal</i>.<sup>1</sup> </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggrsQlSNbvH7kXU0fhBUZ7JUU4GCc3twBDOAPRG9iKKk8JSUAdXo3D9WKpVcRSuL7f2xOWGV6lunqozEfjK5ek05Msy-VHQZkObHlpxRBCFJW7GOb_oj5k2b4N6P92osT3ccyypq5vyVM/s1600/profile+square+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggrsQlSNbvH7kXU0fhBUZ7JUU4GCc3twBDOAPRG9iKKk8JSUAdXo3D9WKpVcRSuL7f2xOWGV6lunqozEfjK5ek05Msy-VHQZkObHlpxRBCFJW7GOb_oj5k2b4N6P92osT3ccyypq5vyVM/s320/profile+square+1.jpg" width="320" /></a>Are <i>you</i> happy? In general or just when you’re doing something you love? Perhaps you’re the rare sunny personality, and your smile lights up a room. Maybe you’re content or at peace with your circumstances. Maybe you feel sheer joy when the sunset is breathtaking. Maybe you wake up and thank your god or lucky stars that you didn’t stop breathing in your sleep. </div>
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But regardless of how you feel: do you think happiness is within everyone’s power or, more important, is everyone’s <i>will</i>?</div>
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It’s in our Declaration of Independence that we are guaranteed life, liberty, and <i>the pursuit</i> of happiness! Because we are always going to seek that which brings us joy, but do we ever remain in a permanent state of happiness once we surround ourselves with those things we think will cause it?</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilK6L_1j6QpXVC4BHsn6A4BaJrHfemkLNoWQlBQpACjyyRSbqJcmOk2TLDvae-JdJv6_wEiGWSEt66Sj27LUAw3ivwH527F6h8L9iNac_X-3gPyqrrqo8jhvlYAzSWKZkPtl2liZ-UyHg/s1600/mask.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilK6L_1j6QpXVC4BHsn6A4BaJrHfemkLNoWQlBQpACjyyRSbqJcmOk2TLDvae-JdJv6_wEiGWSEt66Sj27LUAw3ivwH527F6h8L9iNac_X-3gPyqrrqo8jhvlYAzSWKZkPtl2liZ-UyHg/s320/mask.jpg" width="320" /></a>"I'm stuck with a valuable friend," sings David Bowie in "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMThz7eQ6K0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Ashes to Ashes</a>." "'I'm happy, hope you're happy, too.'" <a href="http://www.newsweek.com/happiness-enough-already-93989" target="_blank">Enough already!</a> I don’t <i>want</i> to be happy. I want to enjoy the things in life as they really are, as they move me. I want to revel in the barking of crows and their congregation at rush hour in the tree across the street. I want to get naturally high on the pride that comes from my daughter’s music. I want to lust after rock stars and eat the hell out of cake and red curry duck. And, yes, I want to wallow in the sadness of my father’s death until the day that driving past the hospital or the funeral home or a Lexus, seeing hospital socks in my drawer, hearing his voice in my head, or needing a rescue stops making me cry.</div>
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My poetry doesn’t come from tra-la-la-everything-is-beautiful feelings. Happiness is not <i>necessary</i> for me to go to work, raise a child, sing, write, take pictures, pay my bills, cuddle with my dogs, make love to my husband, cook dinner, breathe. I treat myself to good beer and pretty boots and original art. Happy? Who <i>cares</i> if I’m <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_pg_1?rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Ahappy%2Cn%3A%211000%2Cn%3A4736&bbn=1000&keywords=happy&ie=UTF8&qid=1353244476%E2%80%9D" target="_blank">happy</a>? Happy has nothing to do with it.</div>
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I’m not <i>not</i> happy. I’m not <i>not</i> smiling. What about you?<br />
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<sup>1</sup>Here are a few other things that aren’t normal: thoughts of suicide, the desire to hurt yourself and/or others, the inability to get out of bad, excessive sleepiness or excessive wakefulness, lack of sexual desire, constant despair. This is not a complete list. If you have any of those symptoms, please ask for help.</div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-68252294312594413382012-10-08T17:05:00.001-04:002012-10-08T17:06:41.863-04:00The Tit Show!I was on WYPR's "The Signal" this weekend with Aaron Henkin. Here's the interview. For the entire episode, go to <a href="http://www.wypr.org/podcast/1814-rock-opera-baltimore-bike-party-griot-janice-greene-poet-leslie-f-miller-and-listen-bac" target="_blank">The Signal</a>.<br />
<br />
I did this interview to promote poetry and <a href="http://thelitshow.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">The <strike>Tit </strike>Lit Show</a> at the Creative Alliance this Thursday!<br />
<br />
<br />
<iframe frameborder="no" height="166" scrolling="no" src="http://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F62701713&show_artwork=true" width="100%"></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0