tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post5535869989787018822..comments2024-01-05T05:16:17.187-05:00Comments on Leslie F. Miller: I'm not not happy. Hope you're not not happy, too.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-33809130207415386642012-11-19T21:23:32.306-05:002012-11-19T21:23:32.306-05:00I'm not a smiler, either. Used to be able to, ...I'm not a smiler, either. Used to be able to, could summon a decent one on demand, but that stopped when my mother died. I hope it changes; maybe it won't. I believe in smiles, sure. And now that everyone has a camera they're at least useful to summon.Richard Gilberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02295157685034187345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-17693297587455951472012-11-19T21:22:45.638-05:002012-11-19T21:22:45.638-05:00I'm not a smiler, either. Used to be able to, ...I'm not a smiler, either. Used to be able to, could summon a decent one on demand, but that stopped when my mother died. I hope it changes; maybe it won't. I believe in smiles, sure. And now that everyone has a camera they're at least useful to summon.Richard Gilberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02295157685034187345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-40428380901301912852012-11-19T18:33:20.040-05:002012-11-19T18:33:20.040-05:00I come from a long line of stubborn unemotional Ge...I come from a long line of stubborn unemotional Germans. I really don't smile and tend to be relatively stoic and don't outwardly show emotion often, but tend to be the calm one in crisis. No belly laughs, more that's so funny. (Of course the funny thing is I don't look very German or have a German name, but I really inherited the personality.) <br /><br />I think a lot of the whole you should smile more thing seems to be done by these perpetually smiling seemingly phony happy people. They scare me.<br /><br />Last year out in Wisconsin, surrounded by normally stoic Germans at my great uncle's funeral, everyone was crying, which was sort of out of character, but given the sudden nature of the event it packed a bit more punch. That is why everyone was more emotional than normal. <br /><br />Still, I don't smile much or cry or get that emotional other than that. <br /><br />Being too emotional is overrated. Triboroughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00380798028815840452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-30479310514942465782012-11-19T18:20:53.855-05:002012-11-19T18:20:53.855-05:00I regret that I don't know who said this: &qu...I regret that I don't know who said this: "I've never had a happy day in my life, but I have known ecstatic moments." I wish I had said that. I DO say it, just not originally. I DO smile during those ecstatic moments but not always. I also believe smiling CAN (not always WILL) put one in a better mood. All that sai, I've always thought/ felt/ believed that connection is by far more important than "being happy." I'm not miserable--I used to be.meggnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-17904654600570532632012-11-19T18:14:57.313-05:002012-11-19T18:14:57.313-05:00Absolutely right on. I can't tell you how man...Absolutely right on. I can't tell you how many times I would get comments on photos of Dakota that said things like, "He's not smiling. He hates having his photo taken, huh?" or, "Oh, no! Why is he sad?" He's not fucking sad. He's THINKING. He's THOUGHTFUL. Gah. I feel you. This is beautifully written, and you are beautifully you. xoJennifer Summerhttp://www.jennifersummer.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-67893344802547421752012-11-19T13:35:29.685-05:002012-11-19T13:35:29.685-05:00Yeah I'm one of those "grinning all the t...Yeah I'm one of those "grinning all the time" people but when I don't smile, people hide. So it's a blessing and a curse. I LOVE LFM's words because they are real, they sparkle, and they are quiet too. Talking from the other side of happy, it's all good. ChartreuseMonkeynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-10573588793942478262012-11-18T16:58:49.221-05:002012-11-18T16:58:49.221-05:00Oh, Leslie, I'm so not not happy almost all of...Oh, Leslie, I'm so not not happy almost all of the time. Not not happy is my baseline. xoxoAlizahttp://www.theworthingtonpost.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-16236224937954388132012-11-18T12:40:06.120-05:002012-11-18T12:40:06.120-05:00Leslie, the notion that when you smile by design i...Leslie, the notion that when you smile by design it starts to truly catch on? It does sort of work, it's true. And what I learn from Bill is that having that "it's all good" approach really does help too. Shocked me, but it does! Also, about the Face? I read this article once about how changing one's outlook can change the face too, as in no need for plastic surgery. Debatable, but interesting... I have this deep groove between the eyes, from many years of stress + sadnesses? It's actually disappearing now. And I used to have a stroke-victim smile, one half only, and have again now started to smile with both halves of my mouth, for the first time in years. There's something to be said for contentedness....Belindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03470745960964423207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-27014458765248896142012-11-18T12:10:30.624-05:002012-11-18T12:10:30.624-05:00I just remembered from reading someone above that ...I just remembered from reading someone above that I was ACTUALLY told once, "you know, you would be quite attractive if you would just Smile more"... !!!! [ "IF"...]. I can't remember the context, except that I wanted to kill whoever said it... it may have even been a relative.... I can only imagine what THAT comment did to my face... Grimace with urge to kill? Belindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03470745960964423207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-10003408049168797212012-11-18T11:57:35.054-05:002012-11-18T11:57:35.054-05:00I thought I left a comment, but I'm not sure b...I thought I left a comment, but I'm not sure because I didn't get that notice that you have to approve my comment. I'm a public smiler and a private frowner. <br /><br />I do think you hit the nail on the head with this piece. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13506793775986270313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-46293590626875212742012-11-18T11:41:19.694-05:002012-11-18T11:41:19.694-05:00@Buck Buckman I think you smile A LOT, Buck. But ...@<a href="#c2008672554767302890" rel="nofollow">Buck Buckman</a> I think you smile A LOT, Buck. But I think we make each other smile. When we're not arguing about the Beatles and such.fuquinayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05996168855030440765noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-89635403877595462752012-11-18T11:39:59.806-05:002012-11-18T11:39:59.806-05:00@katt Yeah! Though I probably cause a lot of othe...@<a href="#c5346266837081085945" rel="nofollow">katt</a> Yeah! Though I probably cause a lot of other drivers as much distress as they cause me. Yikes. <br />fuquinayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05996168855030440765noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-20086725547673028902012-11-18T11:39:55.065-05:002012-11-18T11:39:55.065-05:00I hear from the "smile cult" a lot, too,...I hear from the "smile cult" a lot, too, most often in the form: "You should smile more in your profile pictures." I have much to say on the subject, but I won't bore you here. I will say, simply, that I do not like to smile. I do, on the other hand, like to be happy, and when I'm happy sometimes (although not always) I also smile. <br />- Doug Gambrinus SandhausBuck Buckmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04876020533326331998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-72047841939288443222012-11-18T11:36:35.716-05:002012-11-18T11:36:35.716-05:00I'll go one step further and say that I distru...I'll go one step further and say that I distrust people who put out that happy-all-the-time energy. I'm more comfortable with someone who is unsmiling but seemingly content than someone who demands that everyone should be smiling.Trudinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-78271707105149089222012-11-18T11:34:42.874-05:002012-11-18T11:34:42.874-05:00@Kimberly HoseyWait, you didn't write it? I t...@<a href="#c8286306251440738091" rel="nofollow">Kimberly Hosey</a>Wait, you didn't write it? I think I took it right out of your brain.fuquinayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05996168855030440765noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-33632742968712962542012-11-18T11:33:42.497-05:002012-11-18T11:33:42.497-05:00@CarlaJean ValluzziI was somewhere recently when I...@<a href="#c8259863423801544572" rel="nofollow">CarlaJean Valluzzi</a>I was somewhere recently when I couldn't stop laughing inappropriately. It might have involved someone singing.fuquinayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05996168855030440765noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-53462668370810859452012-11-18T11:33:18.897-05:002012-11-18T11:33:18.897-05:00I, too, was blessed with a naturally not smiling f...I, too, was blessed with a naturally not smiling face. I have been told that I look "miserable" or "angry." Most of the time, I'm neither. This dates back to adolescence (when it was more likely true. <br />I clearly remember being on a school bus when I was in Junior High, and catching a glimpse of myself in the big bus mirror. I was surprised at my own expression. My mouth naturally turns down at the corners and my eyes have a piercing intensity when involved in my own thoughts. <br />Truth is, I'm content and at peace with my circumstances in general, with flashes of true happiness. Of course there are times when I am down or angry (especially over the<br /> ignorance of the selfishness of the people out on the road or in stores- then my face is truly reflecting my anger or unhappiness!)katthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04402458428672797347noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-39315905649055471802012-11-18T11:33:03.966-05:002012-11-18T11:33:03.966-05:00@Belinda I have heard people say that when you smi...@<a href="#c2124353785229492537" rel="nofollow">Belinda</a> I have heard people say that when you smile, you feel better inside. And I think that's true. When you're in the habit of it, you tend to feel more like the reflection on your face. It's a pretend thing, and eventually it kicks in I guess. I don't know. I'm lazy with my face.fuquinayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05996168855030440765noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-58824258359344975982012-11-18T11:31:59.107-05:002012-11-18T11:31:59.107-05:00@Kristi Lenz I laugh a lot.@<a href="#c339537276968378694" rel="nofollow">Kristi Lenz</a> I laugh <i>a lot</i>. fuquinayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05996168855030440765noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-3197156936960950062012-11-18T11:31:10.715-05:002012-11-18T11:31:10.715-05:00@Sarah, I consider you not happy and not miserable...@<a href="#c9013531970274691051" rel="nofollow">Sarah</a>, I consider you not happy and not miserable. And I love that. And when I saw Serena's expression in that picture, I thought it perfectly captured that "when will he be here, and when will this be over" feeling of nervousness. xofuquinayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05996168855030440765noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-77476238698276058582012-11-18T11:30:45.244-05:002012-11-18T11:30:45.244-05:00Long ago I stopped searching for happiness. My pur...Long ago I stopped searching for happiness. My pursuit is the pursuit of contentedness. As I get older my mouth is starting to turn down at the corners too. I love to smile and I love to laugh. And I am really pleased with all sorts of wonderful things in my life. But I am on a search for contentedness - the feeling that my life is what I want it to be, and while I can always strive for better, I am good with where I am.learp17https://www.blogger.com/profile/07967394626997250817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-24461379654397355962012-11-18T11:28:43.843-05:002012-11-18T11:28:43.843-05:00My oldest son is not a smiler. People are ALWAYS t...My oldest son is not a smiler. People are ALWAYS telling him to smile. He just stares at them and says nothing because as he says, "What do you even say to something that stupid?"<br /><br />I've always thought the "being happy" thing was kind of a weird goal. I don't care so much about being happy -- I just want to be at peace with myself.jo(e)https://www.blogger.com/profile/01488562158252331555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-82863062514407380912012-11-18T11:27:08.775-05:002012-11-18T11:27:08.775-05:00Oh my god. The only thing I dislike about this is ...Oh my god. The only thing I dislike about this is that I didn't write it first, because I 100 percent agree and get you. I'm content, usually. Contemplative more than anything. And when my kid plays music, I cry from happiness, no matter how good it is. But I don't usually smile either. Neither does my son. I used to tell him to smile, mostly at the behest of people asking why he never did in my photos of him. But it was always fake. Now there's nothing I love more than what he calls his "at rest" face. Contempletive, like mine. So now I take dozens of shots of him contemplating the sunset, contemplating a bug, staring at nothing in particular. It's a deeper happy than "happy," at least for him (and me). The smile enforcers can suck it.<br /><br />I'm not <i>not</i> smiling is a perfect way to put it. And I like your further point about happiness in general as well. Even when I used to believe fully in the whole heaven and hell bag, heaven bothered the hell out of me (pun intended, of course). For one, it sounded awfully boring. But once, just once, I sort of "got" the idea of pure and rapturous happiness that they might be talking about. And someone told me that <i>that</i> was what heaven was all about. That, only, and all the time. But that bothered me even more. What's the point? Where's the context? Where's the pursuit of happiness? <br /><br />I love you and your real feelings. Thanks for this. Even if I do wish I could go back in time and write it first.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13738377880145008895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-51709555029087774282012-11-18T11:21:20.162-05:002012-11-18T11:21:20.162-05:00There are different kinds of smiles. Some smile wi...There are different kinds of smiles. Some smile with their lips, some only with their eyes, some with their actions. Life is damn hard. Sometimes its easy. Adapting and enjoying life while we are here is more important that any grin. However, I try my best to make those around me smile or laugh at least once a day. That in turn makes me smile. Which I do quite easily. Lately, I have very little to make me smile. Life is the hardest it's ever been for me. Yet, I keep on smiling through the rain. Wet Willie's song Keep On Smiling popped in my head once again. If you don't smile that's ok too. Just keep living.wowpictureshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11526552643400398333noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8276394445294788649.post-82598634238015445722012-11-18T11:18:40.300-05:002012-11-18T11:18:40.300-05:00Leslie,
I really enjoyed this piece! I am still l...Leslie,<br />I really enjoyed this piece! I am still learning how NOT to smile, for me it's some twisted (*Hahah, no pun intended!) coping mechanism . . . generally inappropriate, often goes against every fiber of my being, but sometimes it's just easier to appease than explain, in the moment anyway. I love the way you described the feeling of having realized it was just a "superstition", and the power that came with it! Brava!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06244248133226288187noreply@blogger.com